The Oliver's Journey

Bathtime!!!

2012-02-06T20:40:00.000-06:00

We knew Gavin loved bathtime...but tonight we realized just how much he loves it. I'll be honest...we don't have bath every single night...and tonight was a "non bath night". After dinner G seemed pretty fussy and nothing was pleasing him. He kept reaching his arm out and pointing to his bathroom door. So, we kept asking him, "Gavin, do you want to take a bath??" he got so excited! Jason and I just cracked up...so we said - well, bathtime it is! Even though Gavin can't actually talk yet...he is pretty good at communicating! He was so excited, he loves splashing in the water, playing with his bath toys, and even putting his face in the water. It was the perfect time for a mini photo session. Enjoy these precious pictures!

Doors, doors, everywhere doors...

2012-01-18T20:34:00.000-06:00

Gavin's biggest obsession is doors. Yes, you heard me....doors. Cabinet doors, bedroom doors, closet doors, bathroom doors....any door he can get to...he wants to be a part of it. We now have a routine when we get home from work/school in the afternoons....we close all of the doors, or wedge them with something so he can't close them. This started after the day he locked himself in his bedroom! He could sit for hours and just open and close....open and close....open and close.....

i WILL close this door before you come after me!!!!

One of my favorite "door obsession" shots!!!!

just a typical day at the Oliver house...

his OWN doors to open and close...and SLAM!

Playing catch up...

2012-01-17T20:04:00.000-06:00

I have totally neglected my blog lately!!!!!!! Through the mad holiday rush and keeping up with a 14 month old... I've let the blog fall to the wayside. No more! I have missed journaling about our sweet precious boy and I'm making a promise to be a better blogger! :)

Here are the past couple months "in pictures"....

First up...Gavin's birthday party....

Loved all the decorating I pulled together!

cute cupcake party favors that I made

Seasame Street themed cake that I made!

G's smash cake that I made!

Every little boy needs a radio flyer wagon!

Love all the details. :)

Cookie Monster even came!

Time for cake!

The blue icing was EVERYWHERE!

After a long day he was happy to have snuggle time with Grandma. :)

First haircut....

it was time for Gavin's first haircut! he sat still and did great!!!!

Christmas....

Our Christmas card!

Our beautiful tree!

G with Santa....love this expression on his face!

Thank you Grandma & Grandpa for my car!

Lookin cute on Christmas eve.

Look what Santa brought!

Christmas morning with Aunt Jenn

A day on the Oliver pecan farm....thank you Uncle Tommy for taking these pictures!

yummy.....leaves....mmmm....

Throw me up highter daddy!!

Love this family photo!

This was right before he pulled my hair...

G loves his mommy!

Kisses!

12 months....1 year!?!?!

2011-11-27T19:49:00.000-06:00

Yes, I know...I'm late on the monthly update.
On Gavin's one year check up he was 23.4 pounds (65th percentile) and 31 inches tall (90th percentile). He had a fantastic check up and we are just beyond blessed to have a healthy and HAPPY child! Gavin isn't walking yet...but we know it will come in due time. He has been pulling up and standing on his own for months now, so we know he will be walking before we know it. Gavin now has 8 teeth. He has all 4 front top teeth and all 4 front bottom teeth. He is a fantastic eater and is fully on table food now. He will eat just about anything you put in front of him. He LOVES my homemade mashed potatoes, loves cheese grits with an egg on top, still loves any kind of red sauced italian food...and ADORES mandarin orange segments. He's a great self feeder...although we constantly struggle with him getting enough from a sippy cup. He just drinks so much more when we hold it. So, we are constantly working on that. Gavin isn't clearly saying any words yet on his own....but mommy and daddy definitely know his own language. :) he has this certain laugh that he gives when he REALLY loves a certain food. We definitely know the difference in his cries (hurting, mad, frustrated, needy). He started daycare a few weeks ago and its been an adjustment. However, he's doing great and we are thrilled at how quickly he has gained the praise of his teachers. Gavin LOVES to shut doors. It's probably his favorite thing to do. He could sit and swing a door open and shut for hours!!! The same with cabinet doors too. Santa might be bringing a play kitchen for our little guy. :) Then he won't be messing with my kitchen cabinets. LOL.
We just love our little guy more and more every day. He warms our hearts, makes us smile, and more and more thankful with each passing moment that God brought this special boy into our lives!!! We love you sweet Gavin!!!

Gavin's one year pics

2011-11-23T19:11:00.000-06:00

We had a great photo session with the beloved Kristy Pruet a few weeks ago to celebrate Gavin's first birthday and to hopefully snap some Christmas card photo choices. Unfortunately Gavin was feeling a bit under the weather and it was a very cold morning. HOWEVER...we were able to get some great shots and I know we will forever treasure these awesome photos.... Thank you Kristy! As always...you are a rock star!

One year ago today....

2011-11-09T14:37:00.000-06:00

Pictures often speak louder than words...

Today, as I reflect back on Gavin's first birthday...it's the pictures that make me the most emotional. I'm flooded with reminders of this most special day. I pray that all who read this post, and look at these pictures, are reminded of God's miracles!

Gavin's first Halloween

2011-11-02T20:45:00.000-05:00

Gavin's first Halloween isn't quite what I had envisioned. The first sickness has invaded our sweet little boy. He has an upper respiratory infection, an ear infection, and the croup. It has truly broken our hearts to see him this way....he was in such pain the other night that he couldn't even cry. No sound came out. Brought this mommy to tears!!!! After an antibiotic, a round of steroid's, and Mucinex....we think our little buddy is starting to feel like himself again. Here are a few pictures of his adorable teddy bear costume and his "I heart Mummy" Halloween t-shirt.
Enjoy! Birthday #1 is 8 days away!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :)))))

As cute as he is....you can just tell he doesn't feel well. :(

Mommy...really...another picture...

I managed to get ONE picture of him in his costume with a smile.

I'm on the mend! Starting to feel better! I love buddy fruit!

AHHHH....I love you mommy!!!!!

My precious boy.

11 months (yes I'm behind)

2011-10-25T15:45:00.000-05:00

October 9th Gavin turned 11 months! So, it's already October 25th...I'm just a tad bit behind! I have been a busy bee lately!!!!!

For now, I will just post his 11 month pictures and save the big update for his first birthday!!!! :) 15 days away! We are having his one year pictures made on Saturday morning, very excited about that!

October already??

2011-10-03T13:11:00.000-05:00

Wow, this year is flying by! I can't believe that Gavin is almost a year old. I'm already getting his birthday party planned, one year photo session is scheduled, and Santa will be visiting out house very shortly too! This is my favorite time of year...the fall/holiday season, so it's only fitting that sweet baby G's birthday falls during this great time of year. I've been lacking in my blogging lately so I'll update here with some recent pictures.

Fishy face

Love this one where you can see all four of his front teeth.

Saying "Waaaar Eagle!!!" with mommy!

I love to stand and play at my Elmo kitchen!

10 months....

2011-09-15T21:35:00.000-05:00

I'm late in posting this. For good reason...we are on our annual family beach vacation. It's been a wonderful week at the beach, however, a bit bittersweet. The week started off pretty rough because our sweet baby boy wasn't quite feeling himself. With a 102 fever, poopy diapers, and crying throughout the night it didn't quite start out how we envisioned our first family vacation. It took 6 days, but we made a discovery today....Gavin is cutting one of his top eye teeth. Please pray for us as the next eye teeth come in, it's sure to be rough. He is now a much happier baby and we have gotten in our happy family beach time that I have so much longed for. Gavin has been extra, extra, extra clingy to me this week which in turn has made his daddy less than thrilled. I hate to say it, but it is very sweet for your baby to seek you out of a crowded room and demand he hold you. :) I take pride in the fact that he loves me so and wants his mommy all the time. Warms my heart.
At ten months Gavin seems to change every day. He is....... "running" crawling all over the place, extremely curious, pulling up and standing on anything that is stationary, babbling up a storm and at times seems he's days away from saying "dada or mama", sort of blowing kisses, cackeling and laughing up a storm, happiest when he first wakes up, a great great eater, will try almost any food you put in front of him, wants any television remote in his sight, LOVES to drink water from a water bottle or out of regular cup over any sippy cup, loves cheese grits, scrambled eggs, any red-Italian based sauce food...and ADORES hummus. He could eat his weight in hummus. He loves sleeping on his tummy with his knees tucked under him, still couldn't care less about a pacifier, sleeps best with a "milkshake" bottle before bed (mommy's special rice cereal-formula concoction), loves to turn pages on any book or close any open door, if the refrigerator door is open he will make a quick dart across the room to close it. Hopefully these tidbits will give you an insight into our precious boy's life. We adore this little boy and are so blessed to be called mommy and daddy!
Here are some extra special month photos...taken on the beach. :)

Watching the sun rise...

2011-08-14T20:56:00.002-05:00

9 months!

2011-08-14T20:52:00.000-05:00

Yikes! I'm a bit behind in my blog updates!!!!
Last week Gavin turned 9 months old! I can't believe how much he has grown and changed just in the last month. At his 9 month check up last week he weighed in at 21.1 pounds and 30 inches! He is in the 70th percentile in weight and 90th percentile in length. Gavin has all four front teeth and must be working on more because all he does he gnaw on his hands...or anything else he can get a hold of. He is WIDE OPEN...crawling all over the place and getting extremely curious! It's amazing how good he is at getting around. One minute he's in the living room...and before you turn your head he's crawled down the hall into the bathroom. He is pulling up on anything he can. He mostly pulls up to his knees, but frequently pulls to a standing position. Gavin has started the "attention getting screaming". Needless to say he LOVES attention and wants to the center of it. He is still a great eater and we are starting to try all sorts of "non-baby food". Today he had his first pancake. He also loves to eat mommy's cheerios and milk out of my bowl! There really isn't much that we've tried on him that he doesn't like. Neither Jason or I are picky eaters...so it would thrill me to have a child who isn't picky! No matter how much he loves the table food...he still LOVES the bottle. You better not let him see that bottle until you are ready to give it to him! I'll be so glad when we don't have to buy formula anymore...but kind of dread breaking him of getting a bottle. :) Gavin loves all of his toys. He loves to turns pages and push buttons. If it lights up or makes sound...he's sure to love it. We are starting to work on teaching him "no" as he's getting curious around the house. The ideal situation for us would be to not redecorate our house simply because he's mobile now. We would rather teach him "no". We'll see how this works out. We are trying to get him to say "Da-Da". He definitely knows that is Jason.... and when we say, "Gavin, can you say Da-Da??"...he cracks up. It's really cute. :)
We are beyond blessed by this growing boy and we just can't get enough of him. He is our precious precious miracle and I still can't believe God brought him to us.
Enjoy these 9 month pictures!!!!

I love my daddy! He is so funny!

2011-07-19T19:50:00.000-05:00

Love those baby blues...

2011-07-17T19:19:00.000-05:00

8 months!

2011-07-09T10:32:00.000-05:00

Time sure does fly by....hard to believe Gavin is already 8 months old! Here are some pictures and then an 8 month update. :)

sitting like such a big boy!

Precious face

I am 8 months!

Trying to stand up...

always ready to flash a smile. :)

Since my 7th month update...Gavin has already gotten THREE teeth. The first two came in right after he turned 7 months...the bottom two front teeth. His top left tooth just popped through in the last week, and from what I can tell...the top right tooth is about to come through at any time. He isn't crawling yet, but he's still so close. Always getting up on his knees and rocking like he is about to take off at any moment. He's starting to pull up on things. He sits up great and can sit and play on the floor for hours on end entertaining himself. We've had quite a few instances of separation anxiety...and he definitely prefers his mommy and daddy over anyone else. :) He is still a great eater and we've even tried him on some stage 3 baby food. The stage 3 is more about texture so he's not as smooth as the stage 2. With his teeth that he's getting he can now stand to "chew" his food a bit. We've tried him on Cheerios which he really couldn't care less about....and we've tried the Gerber puffs, but he really isn't wild about those either. He LOVES his bottle and if he sees a bottle he will pitch a fit until you put it in his mouth. LOL. We just love our sweet baby and still can't believe he's 100% ours. Thank you God for blessing us so!

Happy 4th of July!

2011-07-04T20:35:00.000-05:00

I'm thankful to live in a free country!!! Happy 4th of July everyone! Here are a couple pictures of our little cutie...and one picture of the local fireworks. We can see these every year from our front yard. :) Gotta love that!!!

Two teeth!

2011-06-26T13:14:00.001-05:00

Our sweet little boy is growing up so fast! In just a couple weeks he will be 8 months old. He is SO close to crawling and you can now see he has 2 very prominent teeth. He is holding his own sippy cup and just looking so grown up!!! He's just the happiest child, we are so in love with him!!

The first tooth...

2011-06-12T19:41:00.001-05:00

I made a little discovery today.....something white and sharp in Gavin's mouth...what's that?? His first tooth! If you look real close on the bottom you can see it. :)

7 months!

2011-06-11T15:32:00.000-05:00

The day after our finalization was Gavin's 7th month mark! It's been an eventful week in the Oliver household (today is MY birthday...the celebration just continues!)
At 7 months Gavin is sitting up very well. He looks so cute sitting up on the floor playing with his toys, he looks like such a big boy! No teeth have popped out yet, but I'm pretty sure the first one is right around the corner. Gavin is trying really hard to crawl...he's up on all 4's and rocking a lot. I'm not quite sure I'm ready for him to be mobile yet! LOL! We've got some baby proofing to do around the house!
Gavin is such a happy baby, he laughs a lot. He definitely knows his mommy and daddy and is starting to reach out for us. We've started to have a few moments of separation anxiety when someone else holds him. He LOVES to jump. It's his favorite thing. Whether in the jumper or just holding him...those legs are always wanting to jump, it's really quite funny. He's a great sleeper and a great eater. We just can't say it enough, he's such a wonderful child. We are looking forward to all of the milestones that will be happening soon. The first crawling...the first words...the first steps. So honored to be this child's mommy!!!!!

It's OFFICIAL!!!!

2011-06-11T15:15:00.000-05:00

Wednesday, June 8th was a day we will remember forever! The judge said: He is forever your child! Gavin is officially an Oliver and we couldn't be happier! No one can ever take him from us and he is right where he belongs. :)
More pictures to come....but I had to share this sweet moment and announce to all my blog readers that the long awaited day has finally arrived!! Thank you all SO very much for every prayer you prayed along the way.

1/2 a year!

2011-05-11T19:32:00.000-05:00

Where does the time go?? Our precious baby boy is 6 months old already! At his 6 month check up on Monday he weighed in at 18.8 pounds and 27.5 inches. He is 75th percentile in weight and 90th percentile in height! Needless to say we have a solid big boy on our hands! Gavin is now rolling around like a roly poly....back to front, front to back. We FOR SURE can't leave him on an elevated surface anymore without keeping a hand or eye on him! LOL! He sits up good with support, but isn't sitting up totally on his own yet. We know that is going to happen very soon though. Gavin is still a very good eater. We recently moved him up to stage 2 baby food and he really loves the apple/blueberry combo. His favorite though is still the bananas. His face just lights up when he eats those. Gavin is a great sleeper as well. He generally goes to bed anytime between 6:30 and 7:30 and now typically makes it till around 6am the next morning....but every now and then he'll wake up for a bottle around 3 or 4. We are beyond blessed. I feel like I need a new word for blessed. :)

Here are some precious pictures of our adorable miracle.

Bathtub graduation...

2011-05-08T09:40:00.000-05:00

If there is such a thing....Gavin graduated last week. From the kitchen sink "fit over the sink tub"....to the real bathtub. :) He LOVES the water. Here are a few cute pictures from the first bath.

Gavin's first Easter

2011-05-08T09:36:00.000-05:00

Wow, I got behind on my blogging!!! A couple weeks ago we celebrated Easter out at the farm. Gavin got to experience his first family Easter egg hunt! Pictures are better than words, so I will let them tell the story.

Then Easter morning came and the Easter Bunny had come to see him!!!

And a few other pics from the weekend....the baby chick cupcakes I made, and a sweet family picture (even though Gavin isn't looking at the camera...)

5 months!!!

2011-04-09T11:42:00.000-05:00

I can't believe it's already time for our 5 month photo shoot! I think I captured so much of his personality that he is developing in these precious pictures....

At 5 months here are some random notes about our sweet baby G:

*He is a great eater. The only baby food we have tried on him that he isn't crazy about is peas. But he will eat everything else. Bananas, peaches, pears, squash, sweet potatoes, carrots, green beans, prunes, apples. Here's hoping he won't turn into a picky eater. :)
*He is rolling over from tummy to back....although mommy & daddy have yet to actually witness it...we know he can. He is really close to being able to roll from back to tummy...he gets really close.
*He is so close to sitting up on his own without any props.
*He goes down for the night pretty easily, around 6:30 and usually only gets up one time during the night...then gets up around 6am to head to work with daddy.
*He LOVES to jump in the jumparoo and door frame jumper. It's safe to say it's his favorite activity (except eating).
*He smiles ALL the time and babbles, coos, and speaks his own language.
*He has finally discovered his feet and LOVES to touch his toes. He will lay on his back and grab both of his feet and rock back and forth (a pretty impressive yoga pose).
*He is wearing a variety of size clothes at the present moment. Learning that every brand differs...the average size he is wearing right now is 9 month (he can wear some 6 month things, and as high up as 12 month).
*He has his hands in his mouth all the time. We try a pacifier and he really doesn't want it....just his fingers.
*He spits up...A LOT and we are trying some different methods of correcting that. Some days it's minimal...and some days we wonder if he kept anything down. We never hold him without some sort of protective barrier! LOL! If anyone else wants to hold him...a disclaimer is always given.
*He is such a happy baby and is growing like a weed. We have a big boy on our hands.

Gavin, mommy & daddy love you so much! You have changed our lives and we are so honored that we get to be your parents. God gave us an angel and we promise to never take you for granted.

*ADOPTION FINALIZATION UPDATE - we are still in the waiting stages of the finalization to be scheduled...we are hoping for June....but we will have to wait and see. I promise to keep you all posted.

Thank you all for following us along and sharing in our joy. It's such a honor to share every step of this with all of you!

Recent pics...

2011-04-05T13:09:00.000-05:00

Happy boy

Gotta love those blue eyes!

That smile gets me every time

My best yoga pose

Playing with my cousins! Love this picture!

Lazy Sunday...

2011-03-20T13:42:00.000-05:00

I just had to share these sweet pictures of our little guy. I love how he is just so chilled and relaxed. Makes mommy very happy! :)

I can't even express how much I love this precious boy...........Thank you God for this amazing addition to our lives!

Bath time!

2011-03-13T15:23:00.000-05:00

Gavin LOVES bath time....he's just so chilled and relaxed and loves when the water runs over his face.

4 months!

2011-03-13T14:50:00.000-05:00

The past four months have flown by! It is such a joy day in and day out to watch Gavin grow and learn new things! Our little newborn isn't so little anymore! At his four month check up, he weighed 15.6 pounds and is 25 inches. 65th percentile in both height and weight. He got another perfectly healthy check up! We also got the green light to start Gavin on cereal, fruits, and veggies. So far he's tried carrots, pears, and bananas. It's pretty funny to watch him eat and it's amazing how quickly babies learn to eat with a spoon. We've really enjoyed watching him develop and learn. We just can't say it enough....Gavin has changed our lives and it's amazing how much love we have for him in our hearts. His smile lights up his whole face, and warms our hearts!!!!!!

Random pics...

2011-02-27T12:08:00.000-06:00

Those blue eyes just make me melt!

Such a happy baby...

He smiles ALL the time now...

He has discovered his hands...and LOVES to suck on them.

We are having the best time with our little guy. He is such a joy to be around and laughs, coos, and smiles non stop. We are so blessed to have been graced with such a good baby. He has started drooling A LOT which makes me think the first tooth is forthcoming!! Gavin loves his bottle, ceiling fans, his bath time, and his mommy & daddy's goofy faces. :)

We are still working towards finalizing our adoption so please continue to pray for peace of mind and finalization.

3 months...

2011-02-13T19:40:00.000-06:00

I just realized I never posted sweet baby G's 3 month photos!

Gavin has brought so much joy to our lives! He is such a fabulous baby. Yes, he has his moments....but we couldn't ask for a better baby. He is sleeping 11-12 hours at a night and growing like a weed! We weighed him on our home scale yesterday and he's right about 15 pounds now. He's about grown out of most of his 3 month clothes! We are looking foward to starting him on fruits and veggies as he hits the 4 month mark!

Now if we can just get this adoption 100% final all will be right in the Oliver house. :) Keep those prayers coming while we work towards our pending court date.

Keeping the faith...

2011-02-04T10:58:00.000-06:00

Well....our finalization won't be taking place this month. Please continue to lift us up until those papers are signed. We are ready for this to be official....and it's going to take a bit longer. While we are waiting, we are going to continue to enjoy every second with our precious miracle.

Happy Sunday!

2011-01-30T13:36:00.000-06:00

I just had to share some precious new pictures of our little guy.

We can't believe how quickly he is growing and already developing quite the personality. Gavin smiles, laughs and babbles all the time! We hit a major milestone last night....he slept for 12 straight hours. Mommy and Daddy were very happy for a full night's sleep! :)

Strong boy...

2011-01-23T19:56:00.000-06:00

This was too cute not to share....Gavin loves his tummy time and he is showing great upper body strength. He will hold his head up like this minutes at a time just looking to the left, right, up and down. It's so cute. :)

Two Months!

2011-01-15T11:20:00.000-06:00

I can't believe it's already been two months since our sweet baby Gavin came into our lives. What a wonderful time it's been and we are reminded every day with just how blessed we are. January 9th was his two month birthday, and yesterday was his two month check up. The down side was that he had to get 4 nasty shots...but the upside was that he got an A+ check up from our pediatrition! Gavin now weighs 13.2 pounds and is 24 inches long! He is 90th percentile in both height and weight so he is perfectly proportioned. We have been thouroughly amazed at the strength that Gavin is showing, and in the few moments with the doctor, he could even see it. He said don't be surprised if he starts to roll over or even crawl sooner than most. He feels he is on the fast track plan! LOL! We go back for another check up in two more months and by that time Gavin will be eating solid foods!
Here are some pictures from our two month photo shoot.

Here are some things we have learned about our precious boy....
*He is sleeping in his own room now. I was sad that his time in our family heirloom cradle had come to an end...but he is doing great in his room and mommy and daddy are sleeping better now too!
*On average he is waking up every 4 hours...however, we've had some nights recently where he's slept a 5 hour stretch, a 6 hour stretch, even an almost 8 hour stretch!!!
*He LOVES tummy time and shows great, great strength in his upper body.
*He loves to kick and often when he lays on his back it looks like he's riding a bicycle.
*He could win a burping contest....on average he burps louder than most grown men.
*He spits up just about every time he eats....after talking to our doctor we realized this is totally normal, but on average we go through about 6 or 8 burp cloths in a day. We constantly keep a bib on him.
*He's just about smiling on command....Mommy and daddy have gotten smiles but we know he is on the verge of smiling at everyone.
*He knows our voices and if someone else is holding him he will search the room for our voice.
*He LOVES bath time and is so calm and loves the water.
*He does great in the car.
*He has his mommy and daddy wrapped around his little finger..... ;)

We receieved some great news this week. The adoption finalization court date has been set! We originally thought it would be March before we were assigned a court date....but we got the news that our date has been set for February 23rd! We are THRILLED about this news and we are counting down the days for this to become 100% official! We know how special the day of his birth was....we can't help but think that the finalization day will be even more special.

Happy New Year!!!

2011-01-02T16:41:00.000-06:00

This free digital ecard generated with Smilebox

A Christmas miracle...

2011-01-02T16:25:00.000-06:00

As you all can imagine...our Christmas was the best ever! Gavin has brought so much joy to our lives and is such a blessing to our family. What special Christmas memories we made!!!

Customize your own scrapbook

Christmas card...

2010-12-21T20:41:00.000-06:00

I've waited a long time for the opportunity to send a family Christmas card that shared our growing family! Thank you to Kristy Pruet Photography for helping my vision of our first family card become a beautiful creation. I wanted to share our card with all of my faithful readers. A special Christmas slide show is coming soon....stay tuned! :)

One month old!

2010-12-10T14:26:00.000-06:00

I can't believe Gavin is already a month old.....my how times flies. One month ago our lives were forever changed. I tear up every time I think about what a precious miracle this child is to us and our whole family.

Gavin is such a good baby, we couldn't have asked for anything more. He's a good eater, sleeper, and pooper! As of his 4 week check up he weighed 9 pounds, 8 ounces and 21 3/4 inches. He's 50th percentile for weight, and 75th for height.

We hope you enjoy these fun one month pictures!!!

Thanksgiving 2010

2010-11-27T09:32:00.000-06:00

What a wonderful Thanksgiving! Our first as a family of three! We spent the day out at my aunt and uncle's farm. Gavin got to visit donkeys, a horse, chickens, and fish! A first of many trips to the farm! Thank you God for our little turkey....we are beyond thankful!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Free picture collage personalized with Smilebox

Gavin's first slideshow...

2010-11-21T13:57:00.000-06:00

Personalize your own free photo slideshow

The birth story...

2010-11-16T09:10:00.000-06:00

November 9th, 2010 Gavin David Oliver entered this world....this is the story of his arrival....

The days leading up the birth day were filled with anxiety for me. I knew that the day was quickly approaching and I was so ready to meet our little man that the anticipation was making me so nervous. I'm sure it was a lot of the same emotions that birth moms actually go through. The day of the birth, birth mom actually had a doctor's appointment scheduled for 10:30 that morning. Jason and I had planned to meet her there so we both started our day normally...went to work...and planned to meet at the doctor's office. Jason gets up early in the morning and leaves for work about the time I get out of the bed. When I got up that morning I was especially nervous and anxious. Before I left for work, I packed a bag with a change of clothes for me....just to be prepared for the hospital. I even wore waterproof mascara that I had not applied in weeks. Something inside me just told me to be extra prepared.

In the weeks leading up to the birth, Jason and I had numerous conversations with our attorney about who would "get the call" that it was time. Jeannette has become a good personal friend to Jason and me. I just knew she would call ME. I was at work, literally shaking....so ready for the time to come to for me to leave and meet birth mom at the doctor's office. At 8:45 my work phone rang.....it was Jason. He sounded very calm and asked me how I was. I just kind of sighed and he said - "just waiting, huh?". I said - "yes". He said - "well.....you don't have to wait any longer....she is at the hospital, and in labor". I, of course, asked - "ARE YOU KIDDING????" He said - "Kara, I am not kidding...get in the car and meet me at the hospital". He was just as calm, cool and collected as Jason always is with me. I will never forget that phone call. As much as I wanted Jeanette to call ME....in the end...it was so special to hear the news from my husband.

A short time later we arrived at the hospital. We were welcomed in the hallway outside her room by her sister and her mom. We all embraced...tears were shed...and we knew the day had come. The doctor predicted that the baby would arrive by lunch time. The incredible thing about this being an open adoption...was that Jason and I were invited to be in the labor room....for the whole incredible event. We will forever be grateful to birth mom to selflessly allow us to witness the birth of our baby boy. A few minutes before noon she started pushing. Jason stood behind me, with his arms around my neck...hugging me and comforted me as I sobbed....the entire time. After a short 30 minutes of pushing....at 12:30 Gavin was born. It was the most special moment of my life....I speak for Jason when I knew it was the most special moment of his life as well. After he was checked, cleaned up, measured and weighed...there was about 30 minutes before they needed to take him to the nursery. I picked up our precious miracle and handed him to birth mom. We gave them time as a family to welcome him into the world and Jason and I went off to the waiting room to embrace with our parents and Jeannette. More tears were shed and we gushed over the fact that the day had finally come that Jason and I became a family of three.

A short time later I was able to go with Gavin and the nurse to the nursery for his initial 2 hour stay. I watched as they bathed him and gave him his first shots. I was able to walk him to the window and show him off to Jason and our family. It was such a special time and something I will never forget. I am so grateful that I was there every step of the way for Gavin. The whole time I was thanking God....Thank you God for this precious miracle...it was the most humbling experience of my life.

As I sit here today....one week later....and reflect on the day of Gavin's birth....I am more than ever thankful for everything Jason and I have been through since the day we got married. We have endured more than any couple should. After all the disappointments during our fertility struggles...I realize now this was God's plan all along. He handpicked this baby for us. The struggles of yesterday...have become today's joy.

Welcome Gavin David Oliver!!!

2010-11-15T11:48:00.000-06:00

Gavin David Oliver was born on Tuesday, November 9, 2010 at 12:30 weighing 7 lbs 6 oz and 19.5 inches long. Jason and I are blessed beyond belief at this precious miracle.

I will write more soon...but for now, life is pretty perfect. :)

Moments after he was born...

In the nursery...displaying him to our family through the window.

He's been so alert from the first day.

The beloved cradle...

2010-10-31T14:33:00.000-05:00

My dad made this cradle 16 years ago when my uncle and aunt were pregnant with my cousin. We knew from that moment that it was going to be a special piece that was passed on for generations to come. I used to imagine the day that I would get the turn to use this cradle...I would imagine being half asleep in the middle of the night to a fussy baby and nudging the side of the cradle so it would sway back and forth to calm the baby. Not too long ago I often thought I would never be able to get that opportunity....it deeply saddened me that I would never be able to use the family heirloom that my own dad crafted with his own two hands. Today, Jason and I moved the beloved cradle into our room. What a special, special day. There aren't enough words that I can type right now to fully describe how this feels. Just know my heart is smiling. I love you dad!

The time is drawing near...

2010-10-31T10:15:00.000-05:00

Washing clothes, washing bottles, buying formula, buying diapers....yep, that's what's going on in the Oliver household. We are days away from meeting our precious miracle baby boy. Despite the November 21st due date, the doctor is certain the baby will be born prior to that. In this past Thursday's weekly appointment he told birth mom that he would see her next Thursday (the 4th) for another weekly check....and then he expected the next time he would see her would be in the delivery room!!! November 5th is becoming a popular prediction for the birth date.
I've been asked this question a lot lately - "Are you ready?" You can take that question one of two ways....Are you ready, like do you have all the necessities - bottles, diapers, car seat, etc.... OR..... Are you ready, like emotionally, mentally, etc. I'll answer both sides to that question. We are ready with the necessities. We have the basics and frankly, we are so thankful to have as much as we have. Emotionally, mentally???? Jason and I have waited for this moment for a long time, but I don't know how anyone can truly mentally prepare for becoming a parent. With everything that we have endured the past couple of years...I can't help but think it's going to be the coolest most refreshing feeling ever. I know it's going to be hard - we are going to be sleep deprived and it will be a challenge - but YES, we ARE ready. I'm ready to snuggle with that precious miracle and start the next chapter of our lives.
Continue to stay tuned!!!! :)

The sweetest sound...

2010-10-14T15:41:00.000-05:00

Today I got the pleasure of going to the doctor with birth mom. This is something I've been waiting for since the day we met her. We knew this was going to be an open adoption which means we get these kinds of perks. :) We wouldn't have it any other way. What a special memory to tuck away in my memory!! Hearing his heartbeat was the sweetest sound I've ever heard. I was all prepared to cry.........if you've been around me lately you know...I can cry at the drop of a hat....the emotions are just so intense and real that the tears flow freely these days. I even wore my waterproof eye make up....but nope....no need for the tissue. I guess it was more excitement so it kept the tears at bay. Although, now as I'm typing this....I'm starting to tear up. :)

Doc report: birth mom is right at 35 weeks and the baby is measuring just as he should be. The heartbeat fluctuated between 152 and 162, right where it should be. His head is down...hopefully it will stay that way. The doctor said the chances of her going into labor in the next 2 to 3 weeks are slim. She starts going every week now, so next week they will start checking to see if she's dilated at all. The doctor said we can go and tour the labor and delivery area to check things out. Jason and I will definitely do this so we know what to expect the day of the birth.

Birth mom's sister was with her today. This was the first time I've met her. She welcomed me with open arms just as birth mom has and both were so excited to see me!! I can't even begin to express how all of this feels. It's like the most grateful feeling I'll probably ever feel. This family has just taken us in and have become our biggest cheerleaders....they are all so excited to be giving us this incredible gift.

This is definitely not a "typical" adoption. But like I've said before....nothing about Kara & Jason Oliver is "typical".

We are in the homestretch now. I know so many of you are following along with such excitement and anticipation....a lot of you we don't even know. God works in amazing mysterious ways and I know, more now that ever, that He is using this situation for His glory. Thanks and praise be to God!!!

Stay tuned............. ;)

Updates!

2010-09-30T19:15:00.000-05:00

Hello everyone! We are getting so close to the due date I can almost see the light at the end of the tunnel. :)
A lot of you keep up with little updates here and there when I mention the adoption on Facebook but a good long blog update was definitely due....and then this afternoon I get fabulous "medical" updates on birth mom and then I knew it was really time to share with you all.

Our annual family beach vacation was last week....7 whole days in wonderful beach bliss. The second day we were there we got a call from our attorney telling me that birth mom wants to go ahead and sign the paperwork with the judge that names us as parents. Cue the excitement and more relief that one more essential hurdle was being crossed. We thought it was going to actually happen that very next day, however, due to some scheduling conflicts with the judge....the papers are being signed next Friday, October 8th. This just takes stress off of all parties involved to get this process taken care of before the "birth day". She still has five days after the birth day to change her mind...however, we are confident and prayerful that the decision that has been made, stands true. :) I've never felt more that this is the baby that God intended Jason and I to have. And I know for certain that birth mom feels good about this decision and that she feels special to be giving Jason and I such a special gift. Remember those tissues that I've mentioned before that I need??? yeah, I pretty much have already been using them.

Today we got a medical update that I would like to also share..... The doctor listened to the baby's heart beat which was loud and strong and he responded just as he should at this point to the doctor's actions. He determined that the baby will be between 7 and 7-1/2 lbs. when born. Birth mom is measuring 32 weeks and five days along. Her stomach measurement was exactly where it should be also. Her next appointment is Oct. 14th and then she continues to go every week from then until she delivers. I actually get to go with her to the doctor on the 14th which I am so thrilled about. It's such a rare thing that an adoptive mom gets to share so much of this with the birth mom. I consider myself truly lucky and blessed to get to experience so much of this. Because I'm not able to concieve myself, I'm beyond excited that I get to still experience part of the process....hearing the heartbeat, seeing the ultrasound, doctor visits, etc.
Back to more updates.....The care coordinator that handles all the adoptions at the hospital explained that only two people can have the identifying wrist bands for the baby on their wrists. We found out today that one of those will be birth mom...and I will be the one to wear the other. They have birthing rooms and up to four people can be in there besides the mom giving birth. Jason and I get to be 2 of the 4 people in the room. We will get to see our precious baby boy enter this world. I am crying just typing this out because I truly can't believe this is happening. It's starting to sink in and I'm back to feeling the emotions I felt when we first learned about this adoption....which basically just makes me cry all the time now. Is it possible for me to have "PRE-pardum" emotions?!?! LOL....I can cry at the drop of a hat these days. God bless Jason for the next couple of months. :)

Specific prayer requests....
*pray for the continued healthy progress of baby boy Oliver and for the health of birth mom.
*pray for the mental/emotional state of me and Jason...no matter how exciting this is, it's still stressful and emotional.

So many of you are sharing in this excitement...I've said it before, and I'll say it again...I'm more convinced than ever that sharing our journey was one of the best decisions I've ever made.

Hugs and Love to you all!!!!

Let the transformation begin...

2010-09-06T17:41:00.000-05:00

So, Jason and I decided it was time to empty out the guest bedroom and get to setting things up for Baby O. With only about 10 weeks to go...and constant reassurance from birth mom herself...we decided it was safe to proceed. :) Of course I decided to document this glorious occasion.

"before"

1/2 way there...

New furniture brought in...

The crib directions were quite confusing...

With our heads put together...we figured it out...here's Jason putting in the last screw. :)

The shelving unit we put together....far less complicated than the crib...

The finished result of our labor!

I couldn't wait to add our recent purchases to the shelf.

Jason's baby shoes....and his favorite Ernie doll. :)

Some of the things we have been collecting...

We have a ways to go to complete the room...but it's such a surreal feeling to have done this much already. To see a crib in a room in this house is very very odd....but in the most amazing way. If it feels this great to set up his room...I cannot even fathom the feeling to see him in it. Could someone had me a Kleenex? or a thousand....I'm going to need them. :)

A few of my favorite things...

2010-08-26T20:38:00.000-05:00

It's been a while since my last post. I know everyone is searching for an update. :) So many of you are carrying us along on our journey and we couldn't be more thankful for you all. All is well in our adoption world. Birth mom is doing great and feeling good. Baby O has become very active and is kicking and moving around all the time. We are so thankful to get updates like this and to hear reassuring words that prove to us that everyone is still on the same page. Very soon I should be going with her to the doctor. Words can not even express the joy that I am sure will fill my heart when I get to hear that heartbeat for the first time. It's things like that - hearing the heartbeat, seeing the ultrasound - that I wouldn't want to miss out on just because I'm not carrying the baby myself. I feel privileged that I get to experience these things and will treasure the day I get to share those stories with baby O. I was having a conversation with our attorney today and we were talking about how this is not a "typical adoption"....meaning typically things don't go this smoothly and fall right into place with adoptions. "This is not the norm" Jeannette explained. My answer - "Nothing about me and Jason has been - THE NORM"...we have always been the exception to the rule....from the way we met....to how quickly we broke ground on our house...how quickly we got engaged (yes, in that order). Most recently in the past year we have been the exception to the rule for bad reasons. What were the odds that I would have to have both fallopian tubes removed? What were the odds that we would have such unsuccessful attempts at IVF? We pray that we have suffered down those difficult roads enough to where we can now be the exception to the rule for the GOOD! How awesome would it be to beat the odds and prove that adoptions CAN be a successful experience and fall into place without any major stumbling blocks??? Maybe God is trying to show us that we've suffered enough. I like to think that is what is happening here.

With that being said I would like to share some of my favorite things that we have been collecting for baby O.

The burp cloths that Anne Rae made for me. I adore these....the colors are perfect and I can't wait to use them!!!!

The adorable sock monkey that I bought at the Chelsea Antique Mall....and the lion and lamb were gifts from our very special friends. We were given these the night we found out baby O....is a baby BOY. :)

This shirt is a "hand me down" from my nephew Hudson. Jason and I brought this back to him from our honeymoon trip to Peter Island. I was so touched when Jennifer gave this back to me and said - baby O needs this shirt now. Awww.. :)

The blue baby blanket that Jenny gave me...that has not left our bed since she gave it to me. I snuggle with it every night and it stays tucked in between our pillows. Jason likes to joke that I am not even going to let the baby have it....I am going to keep it for myself. :)

The vision...

2010-08-10T18:16:00.000-05:00

I realized today that's it's been over two weeks since I've written a blog update. The last time I wrote I was having a really hard time. The fact is, every day is tough....but not nearly as tough as it was that day. We've had a lot of good days too...allowing ourself time to get excited. I even bought a crib. :) The bargain of the year...at a yard sale for TEN BUCKS! I am going to sand it and paint it...I love a good craft project. I also started getting the vision together for baby O's room. I bought some amazing fabric that I'm going to use. I love the way it's all starting to come together. There aren't many things that we can control right now....so I'm clinging to the things I CAN control and have a part in. :) With that being said, here is a picture of the said fabrics. Yes, yes, yes, my loving Auburn friends...that IS houndstooth. I assure you that it has nothing to do with Alabama....I'm just a sucker for the print. I just love it. I'm not sure yet how I'm using all of these fabrics, but I got a great deal on them, so I couldn't resist. :) So it's looking like the colors are going to be chocolate brown, cream, aqua, and green. I am also wanting to throw in touches of red and orange. I can't wait to see it all come together.

Other than that, there really isn't anything new to report. We are just in the long waiting stretch of this process. It is hard not having that daily bonding with the baby. Since I'm not physically carrying the baby, it's hard to feel that connection. That is when our faith really has to come into the spotlight. Hopefully in the near future we can spend some time with birth mom and her family. We would love to be able to talk to baby boy O and let him start to hear our voices. :)

Please continue to pray for everyone involved in this situation. We can't believe in just a few short months all the things we have dreamed for, prayed for, and hoped for are that much closer to becoming our reality.

The good, the bad, the ugly...

2010-07-25T19:50:00.000-05:00

Jason and I knew going into this adoption process that there were going to be good days, bad days...and then just days that were downright tough. Today has been a tough day. I also knew right from the beginning that just like I did with the fertility side of the journey, that I would share all aspects of this adoption side of our journey. The good side, and the bad side. Mostly up until now it's been great...continuous good news, wonderful things to celebrate. And I've mentioned that things have started to calm down and we are in the waiting portion of the process. Today, the waiting hit me...like a ton of bricks. It's just been a really tough day. For the first time I'm starting to worry....worrying what she's doing and thinking. All we can do is pray that we keep trusting in God's plan. Regardless of the outcome here....we have to TRUST GOD that the path He is paving...is what is best for us. The journey through infertility has been a tough one....this proves no different. I'm experiencing emotions I've never felt before....yet, I feel powerless, just as I did through the IVF process.
Last night we celebrated my sister's birthday. During the night I had a conversation with my mom and Jennifer's mother in law, Elaine. Elaine made some very good points, but the one that has stuck in my mind was her telling me that I need to keep my eyes focused on God's plan..TRUST THAT. Don't lose sight of that. If I feel confident in that...then nothing can get me down. But today I was just that - DOWN. It makes me question my faith...and that is where I know this is the devil having his way with me. Please pray that the devil gets on out of this house...we don't need him around.
Today, just as I was in the middle of a terrible crying emotional breakdown, my doorbell rang. It was my oldest friend, Anne Rae. (side note - i hate the term "oldest friend" because I always think people take it...she's really old...lol...but I digress....) Even though I was expecting her to come over...it was still that perfect moment...just when I needed her. You see, I'm very lucky...I have these amazing friends and family that know when I need them, just at the right time. In perfect Anne Rae fashion, she was able to calm me down and make me feel better. Thank you dear friend! :)
I've realized something over the past few weeks...and today it got even worse. I have had a sore jaw line...and sore teeth. Gee...that must mean that I've been grinding my teeth at night...something I've NEVER experienced before. I have been through many stressful situations in life...none have which, have ever made me grind my teeth or clench my jaw. Tonight, as I was cooking dinner I caught myself standing there clenching my jaw. I just can't relax. I know every day isn't going to be like this....but wow, this has been a tough one.
Please continue the prayers.....I really...WE really need them right now.
Make me still, O Lord...

I couldn't resist...

2010-07-21T17:48:00.000-05:00

Since the day I started this blog...I dreamed about the day I could add a baby ticker to the top of the blog page. Corny, I know...but it was something I was really looking forward to. Today marks 4 months until baby boy Oliver is due. I couldn't resist any longer. :)

Yesterday we finished up our homestudy interviews. Our attorney got a call this afternoon from our social worker that everything went great! We already knew it...but it was just nice to get reassurance. We are still waiting to get the "all clear" from the FBI fingerprinting/background checks. Hopefully all of that paperwork will be back within a couple weeks. But the major part of the homestudy is complete...it feels great to check that off our list of things to do!

A lot of you have asked if we have picked out a name yet. We have talked about it...a lot. But we haven't 100% decided yet...so for now, we are keeping that information to ourselves.

Specific prayer requests that are on my mind daily.....praying for the health of baby boy Oliver, and birth mom. Praying that God is continuously working on birth mom's heart that she knows this is the right decision. Praying for patience to fill our hearts as we wait, wait, wait.

Again, we are so blessed to have an amazing support system. I have received some amazing emails and facebook messages from people I haven't heard from in years...it has truly touched my heart.

Don't stop believin'!

Shooting to the goal...

2010-07-14T17:38:00.001-05:00

Our friends continue to amaze us.....Kristy (Evans) Pruet came into our lives a few years ago. Since then she has been the preferred photographer for precious Hudson & Olivia (nephew & niece) not to mention a host of our friends children. Kristy has told me time and time again she can not wait until she can take pictures of baby Oliver. :) She has also told me she wanted to come up with some way to help us on our journey to adopting baby boy Oliver. She came up with this "fundraiser". If you are interested in having your children's portraits made by an awesome photographer, email her at the address on the invitation above. My gracious sister has offered up her house as the location. Kristy has even mentioned if she gets a lot of interest she will book more than one photo day to work everyone in. We are humbled and honored that Kristy has offered to do this for us. Again, God is revealing himself to us in very interesting ways. :)

The waters are calming down...

2010-07-12T20:29:00.000-05:00

The past month has been a whirlwind. I've said that MANY times in the past few posts I've written...but it's the only way to truly describe it.

Aside from all of the adoption stuff....Jason and I have had an extremely busy social calendar. We are so blessed to have so many amazing people in our lives that we always have something going on. So we've been on the go so much. I think we are both just tired. Emotionally and physically. And today the "waiting" set in.

Everything with the adoption has moved so quickly since the first day we learned about the baby....that the waters are starting to calm... and now it's time to just sit back and "relax" and wait for November. With that being said...the emotions hit me today...the crying stressful emotions. Jason and I keep exploring uncharted territory. We've never done this before...so yet again, we are facing a whole new set of emotions. While this is an exciting time...it's also a very emotionally stressful situation as well. I keep requesting prayers....but once again....I'm asking for your prayers.

As requested...

2010-07-07T08:28:00.000-05:00

Many of you have asked..."how can I help"...or "I want to chip in". Well, here's your chance. I've set up a Chipin link that is secure through Paypal if you feel led to contribute. We have been humbled by God's grace to get us this far in the adoption process. We feel certain that He will continue to open doors for us to make this possible. If you feel led to contribute, and would rather mail a check versus using the secure link, please email me at: kara061179@yahoo.com and I will mail you our address. If a financial contribution is not possible, please contribute to our journey by praying for our family.

What a difference a month makes...

2010-07-06T20:02:00.000-05:00

June 10th was when we got the first call about this adoption. I can't believe it's almost been a month. So much has happened in that short period of time. A lot of you who have emotionally invested in our journey have been curious about more details of how this incredible situation came about. I feel more comfortable now with sharing more of the story...

Jason and I had not made any advancements in pursuing adoption...we took some time after the last IVF cycle and we knew after our Bahamas vacation that we would focus on the adoption process. Back in April we met Jeannette through a mutual friend, Marlin. Little did we know that Jeannette would become our attorney! Jeannette was approached by some friends about their daughter's pregnancy. Because she knew about our journey (through Marlin and our blog) she immediately thought of us and our desire to become parents. So, on the night of June 10th I got a call from Jeannette about this possible opportunity. Just 4 short days later she needed an adoption portfolio from us. Like I said...we had done NOTHING to prepare for this so we obviously didn't have a portfolio put together. We got the portfolio together...a finished product that we were extremely happy with. So, on June 15th it was delivered to the birth family. And by June 19th they graciously invited us into their home...to meet them and their daughter. It's a moment I will never forget....and a meeting that I am going to choose to keep private between the parties involved. But I will share this one detail from that night. Birth mom told us that when she was reading our portfolio...she felt the baby kick...for the first time. Cue tears and a flood of emotions. What better sign from God that this is part of his plan? On June 21st we got the phone call with the news...birth mom had chosen adoption...and she had chosen Jason and I as the adoptive parents!!!!!!!!!!! And on July 1st we learned that the baby is a BOY! :) We can say - he and him...instead of "it". So as I've quickly described...A LOT has happened in the past month.

What's the other essential ingredient in the adoption process? A homestudy! Typically these are done at the very beginning of starting a journey on adoption. Our situation is a tad unique. :) So, Jeannette put us in contact with a great social worker to take care of our homestudy. Our first visit was July 1st. That meeting involved a home inspection and going over all the paperwork we need. Background checks, fingerprinting, lots of documentation. Today, July 6th is our second visit. Tonight's visit includes a private interview with just me and the social worker...and then a private interview with just Jason and the social worker. I went first...so I'm actually typing this as Jason is having his interview. Just as you would imagine...lots of questions....childhood memories...questions about my parents...about growing up...about school...about work history....all kinds of stuff. Our next meeting is next Tuesday the 13th. That will involve our interview with Jason and I together. And that will conclude the homestudy! Then we just wait on our background checks to come back. Because this is a private adoption the amount necessary is a bit less than the average adoption. Of course I believe...no adoption is "average".

So for now we just finish up the homestudy process...and acquire the funds to make this possible. That part is starting to stress me out. But God brought us to this situation...He will bring us through it. Do I think He will make money fall from the sky? No. But I firmly believe that He will open doors to make that possible.

The emotions of all of this are starting to catch up with me. Tears one minute....HUGE grin the next. It's been quite an experience thus far. All of the pieces seem to finally be falling into place for us. We just pray that God continues to work on "birth mom's" heart and know that she is making the best decision for the future of that precious baby boy. Our lives would forever be changed. I feel like our lives have already been changed...just in the past month. What a feeling........ :)

So while we're waiting....we will try to be patient, hopeful, humble, thankful, prayerful.

More news....

2010-06-21T17:54:00.001-05:00

So, like I said in my post yesterday.......the past week or so has been a whirlwind....today proved no less.

I got a call this afternoon from our attorney. She got a call from the birth mom. She said she has made her decision....to give her baby up for adoption...and she's picked us as the recipients!!!!!!!!!!! She said that once she made her decision that she felt a like a weight had been lifted off her shoulders.

This is ALL God. 100% all God.

Jason and I realize that there are still 5 months until the due date of the baby....but we are excited and thrilled that she has made this decision. She finds out in two weeks if it's a boy or girl and we will find out that day.

Jason and I are humbled by God's grace...and we pray for that precious miracle...that one day that baby will be ours and we can make the birth family proud...that the baby will grow up in an amazing home and loved by SO, SO many.

As most of you know from our journey thus far...we aren't used to getting news like this...we aren't used to crying tears of joy instead of pain. This feeling of shear happiness is beyond an amazing feeling (well, and leaving for the Bahamas in 36 hours doesn't hurt either. :) )

Sometimes the only proper reaction to news like this...is to fall to your knees...and pray. We thank God for this unbelievable opportunity.

We have our first homestudy appointment next Thursday evening with our social worker. Our attorney rocks the house...she has put us in contact with someone to get this homestudy done ASAP.

I'd like to close this post with a special "thank you"....Thank you to our "anonymous" blog commenter....for the EXTREMELY GENEROUS gift we received in the mail the other day. A $200 gift card to PF Changs. We don't know who you are....but you must care an awful lot about us. And for that....we thank you.

Our journey continues...

2010-06-20T10:49:00.000-05:00

My grandmother gives me a copy of The Upper Room every couple of months. I have read this daily devotional booklet for many, many years of my life and it has always brought me words of comfort. During hard times, during good times...there have been many occasions where that particular day's devotional was just exactly what I needed to hear. I choose to believe that is God speaking to me...revealing Himself to me. I want to share a portion of yesterday's devotional (June 19th).

"No eye has seen, nor ear heard, nor the human heart conceived, what God has prepared for those who love him." 1 Corinthians 2:9

...At times we seem to be limply handing around, waiting for something to happen. At these times God is preparing us for the next season or the next change we are to undergo. Sometimes we are unaware of the imperceptible changes God is busily achieving within us. Then, at the right moment, we find ourselves in a new situation. We marvel that God has been at work, preparing us for something we could not have imagined or prepared ourselves for.

Thought for the day: Watch out; God is always up to something.

Now...on to sharing the next step in The Oliver's Journey...
I feel extremely led to share this information. Our faithful readers have followed us every step of the way thus far....we need our prayer warriors in high effect right now!!!!

Jason and I are being considered as adoptive parents....the baby is due in November. This is a situation that has totally fallen into our laps and we know this is God working on a huge blessing. Our path and journey are being revealed to us...all of these developments have taken place in the last 9 days....so we are in the middle of an emotional whirlwind right now!!!! We are learning more than ever that people are placed into you life for a reason...and there are no coincidences.

In 3 days I got together an adoption portfolio for the family to read. Working diligently and pouring out emotion, we produced a beautiful book that tried to show the birth family what we could offer a child. And yesterday we got a call....come meet the family...they want to meet us. So, last night we met with birth mom and her parents. We shared tears, laughter, hugs, questions, family stories, a whole range of emotions.

So, what now? Well, Jason and I leave Wednesday morning for our trip to the Bahamas. We couldn't be happier that this trip is upon us...it's something we've been waiting for and now, we can't help but think that it's a celebration trip. As soon as we come back we will start the process of having a home study and just wait to hear what the next step is.

Jason and I are humble and grateful that this opportunity is before us. While nothing is certain, all we can do is move forward with faith. Faith that God has a plan set out for us and a baby in mind for us..waiting for us.

I'm going to leave it there for now with the details. But stay tuned....in true Kara & Jason fashion...it's sure to be an interesting journey.

God will not fulfill your dream immediately...

2010-05-26T07:36:00.000-05:00

I love these daily devotional emails I get. I had to share this one I received this morning. I really needed to hear this....I am sure everyone can apply this to their life in some way or another.

God will not fulfill your dream immediately
Posted by Rick Warren
"But these things I plan won't happen right away. Slowly, steadily, surely, the time approaches when the vision will be fulfilled. If it seems slow, do not despair, for these things will surely come to pass. Just be patient! They will not be overdue a single day!" Habakkuk 2:3 (LB)

Even as you make a decision to follow the dream God places in your heart, you can expect a delay. God will not fulfill your dream immediately because this is another step toward building your faith. In Habakkuk 2, God says, "These things I plan won't happen right away. Slowly, steadily, surely, the time approaches when the vision will be fulfilled." In this step of faith-building you will most likely start asking the question, "When, Lord? When are you going to answer my prayer?"And we hate to wait. We don't like to wait in a doctor's office, or in traffic jams, or at restaurants, or for Christmas presents, or for anything else. But what we hate worst of all is waiting on God. Have you ever been in a hurry when God wasn't? It's so irritating! You're ready, but God isn't. God wants to work on you before he works on the project. Every believer must go through the University of Learning to Wait (ULW). Some of us are still working on our degrees from ULW!

Noah waited 120 years from the time he started building the ark until it began to rain.

Abraham was told he would be the father of a great nation and didn't have a child until he was ninety-nine.

God told Moses he would be the leader to lead his people out of four hundred years of slavery, but then made him wait in the desert forty years.

Joseph spent years in prison before God raised him up and he became the ruler God wanted him to be.

God had David anointed as king, but then David waited for years until he actually got to be king.

We all have to go through these waiting periods. Even Jesus waited for thirty years in the carpenter's shop before setting out on his public ministry. Why do we wait? It teaches us to trust in God. We learn that his timing is perfect. One of the facts we have to learn is this: God's delay never destroys his purpose. A delay is not a denial. Children must learn the difference between "no" and "not yet," and so must we. Many times we think God is saying, "No," but he is saying, "Not yet."

Random ramblings....

2010-05-20T18:41:00.000-05:00

Wow, it has been quite a while since my last post...

I'm sure a lot of you are wondering how I'm doing...if I'm "really ok"...what I've been up to....well, here's an update on my life.

How am I doing? I really do feel good these days...emotionally I'm doing WAY better than in ancitpated this soon after our last IVF cycle. I've been laughing...making jokes...spending time with my family...spending time with my friends...cooking....all the things that make me feel "me". I've even started exercising. I'm learning that the older I get...the harder it is to lose weight. Add in all the fertility meds I've been on the last year...and it makes it EVEN harder. So I did some things to help...I bought an iPod. Best money I've spent in a LONG time (ok, except for some super cute shoes..but whatever). In using my iPod I've learned a few things about myself.....with my earbuds in...and the house to myself I think I can:
1) Sing like Lea Michele from Glee.
2) Dance as good as my friend Nicole.
3) Burn calories that would make my sister proud.

THEN...reality set in. I overdid it. Yep....pulled some muscles in my back/neck and as I type this I am sitting here with an icepack on my back. It's like it's always something. I take 2 steps forward and 2 steps back. Hopefully this won't get me down for long and I can get back to creating a consistant work out regime that I can stick to.

Jason and I leave for the Bahamas in about a month....so...all my focus lies there. We are so thankful that we are getting to go on a trip like this....it comes at the perfect time and it's the best medicine we could ask for. :) From now until then we are just taking time for ourselves...Jason is even golfing again. It's great that he's doing things that make him happy as well, and I know golf makes him happy. So often everyone focuses on how I'M doing...so it's nice that he's doing things for himself as well to lift his spirits.

As for what is the nex step on The Oliver's Journey???? We aren't sure. We know it involves adoption...we just aren't sure whether we will focus on embryo adoption or the more traditional adoption. Time & prayer will lead us to the right decision for us.

During the past few months I've really come to form a bond with some women I've met through RESOLVE. We help each other...listen...advise....cry together....pray for each other. I'm so thankful that these women have come into my life.

I've learned something else about myself during this experience....I am good at giving advice...I'm good at counseling...I'm good at talking about this infertility process. I've asked God for some direction during this journey and maybe this is Him trying to tell me I need to pursue this...maybe even a career. I want to share my story...inform others...help other women. How do I make that happen? I have no clue...but I need to try and figure it out. That is my prayer request, pray that God points me in the right direction and if this is where He is leading me, pray that some doors open for that to be possible. Maybe it's getting more involved with RESOLVE...maybe it's writing a book. These un-answered questions actually make me excited. Wow...me, excited? It's a nice feeling. :)

Get me off this roller coaster...

2010-05-02T13:36:00.002-05:00

I'm tired. I'm so emotionally exhausted...it's like I've hit a brick wall. Frankly, I don't even know that I'm going to be able to write this post the way I want to...but I need to get it out while it's all the most fresh on my mind.

Yesterday was the RESOLVE Family Building Conference in Atlanta that Jason and I attended. First and foremost, I'm so glad that we made the decision to go to this event. What a great way to surround ourselves with the reassurance that we aren't alone...and it was a wonderful way to get a lot of information about the uncharted waters of adoption. There were 6 different opportunities during the day to attend breakout sessions...we could pick and choose what we wanted to attend. There were sessions on recurring pregnancy loss, IVF, surrogacy, edometriosis & PCOS, and then of course adoption. We chose to attend all the sessions we could on adoption. Domestic adoption, International adoption, How to be your own advocate in adoption, and Adoption home study. Before this event our knowledge on the topic of adoption was very limited. We've heard stories over the years from different people...but we really didn't know what all went into the process. I know there are people out there that think..."oh, you can't get pregnant? Just adopt"... kind of like..."just do IVF". It's not always as simple as the old Nike slogan. Let's just start with the home study. Like one of the social workers said yesterday - "Why do I need someone to come into my home and interview me to determine if we would be fit parents? No one who gets pregnant naturally ever has to prove that to anyone." That is such a strong statement..and oh so true. But I have to remind myself that if it were ME giving up a baby...I would want to make sure that the child was going to the best home possible. So, I can't focus on that part of the process to much. We did get a good idea though of what to expect for a home study. This is no overnight process...this is going to take time. Time to gather the appropriate documentation, time to prepare our finances, time to become educated on the ins and outs of this whole process.

With all of that being said...Jason and I aren't quite sure what is next for our journey. We are both so overwhelmed with information that we don't really know what we want to do. Something the conference didn't really touch on was embryo adoption. That is something we are really interested in and hoped there would have been a session on that yesterday. Snowflakes is an organization that came highly recommended from our doctor, which is a national embryo adoption organization. I'm going to take some time to research this option and consider it as an option. If we went the embryo adoption route and it worked...I would get to experience the whole process of actually being pregnant. Yes, biologically it wouldn't be our child, however I would get to bond with the baby for the duration of the pregnancy and that in itself sounds precious to me. Having just come off 2 rounds of failed IVF attempts though...it scares me about going through the transfer process again.

I know that Jason and I don't have to make any decisions TODAY...and frankly I know we both need to take some time to consider our options and just enjoy each other for a while. However, I don't want to wait too long....as I mentioned, this process is going to be a long road so the sooner we can get the process rolling, the better. It might be 2, 3, 4 years down the road before we get baby Oliver. All we can do for now is research and pray that God clears the path for us that He wants us to take.

We also attended a session yesterday called Strengthening Relationships During Infertility. We really enjoyed this session and I think we both walked away from it knowing that first and foremost, we need to focus on each other and communicate to each other how we feel. Sometimes that's easy and sometimes it's a difficult part. Obviously I'm on here all the time pouring out my emotions about everything...I realize it's not that easy for Jason. (let's face it...that's just men in general, right ladies?) But it's not always about the words...I know that Jason is emotionally in turmoil just like I am. I'm thankfully that he is a great husband and went with me yesterday...I think it was a great step for us.

We also really enjoyed spending time yesterday with two other couples that we have come to know from Birmingham through RESOLVE. Brandy & Eric...Liz & Brian....we are all in this together and we are thankful to have met you! I know we can all be great resources for each other. :)

I know there is more I could share from yesterday...but that's all I got right now...I need a nap.

Whatever normal is...

2010-04-28T17:36:00.000-05:00

I got a call this afternoon from the doctor's office. All my bloodwork from last week came back....it was all normal. Normally this is a good thing and don't get me wrong...I'm glad nothing is wrong....but there was a part of Jason and I that were hoping something would come back showing an answer. Some sort of explaination for my poor quality eggs. But we have no answers and probably will never get an answer. Frankly, there just aren't any more tests they can run to determine any other problems. All this does is bring the emotion of this whole experience to the surface again. Emotionally I feel like I take two steps forward and then two steps back. I know God is closing this door....but opening a window. That is how I feel....but I'm still struggling with the anger and frustration of it all. On top of all of this I'm battling a cold or a sinus infection or something.....and I've just felt yuck. I started on a z-pack this afternoon so hopefully that will help me feel better. I'm ready to just feel back to normal....whatever normal is.

On another note...Jason and I are headed to Atlanta this weekend for Resolve's Family Building Conference . We don't really know what to expect...but we are excited about this event. We hope we can walk away with some valuable information and maybe some additional understanding of our situation. In just the short time of becoming involved with the organization Resolve, I've made some new friends. They all need prayer right now...all for different reasons. I know God brought all these women into my life and I'm honored to now be a part of their lives.

On a BRIGHT note...Jason and I are officially paid up for our Bahamas trip in June. The weight loss journey has begun...however, this nasty cold has set me back just a bit. :( 7 weeks to tropical bliss........

Thank you all for your continued prayers for our journey.

Heartbroken...

2010-04-20T14:25:00.001-05:00

...that's pretty much how we feel in the Oliver house....our hearts are breaking. Today was our follow up appointment with our doctor. Jason and I were praying for some glimmer of hope that they could give us towards another chance at a biological child. But when the doctor basically throws her hands up and has no answers...what can you do? For some reason my body will not produce mature good quality eggs...and there is no reason behind it. There is really no test they can run to determine what the cause is. However, they did draw blood today to test for a few antibodies. They are testing for antiovarion antibodies (pre-menopause) and they are actually testing for a lupus anticoagulant. Even if I tested positive for that doesn't necessarily means I have lupus...it's just another antibody they are checking. Dr. H. does not think any of these will come back positive...but it's just something they can test to narrow down any speculation of what might be wrong. Minus the fact that I have no fallopian tubes...everything else has been picture perfect so obviously something else is wrong, however, there's nothing else they can do for us.

Yes, Jason and I are fully aware that we have other options to becoming parents (i.e. adoption, embryo adoption, etc) but we are taking time to grieve over the fact that we will never have a child that is biologically Jason and Kara's. For years this has been my worst fear....imagine your worst fear coming true. You fall in love and you get married and you long for a child that is the perfect combination of you and your spouse. I longed for a child with my creative ability and Jason's determination. My long eyelashes, and Jason's great skin. My quirky personality and Jason's sense of humor.
For right now we don't know what is next for us. We did talk to our doctor about embryo adoption. It's basically like adoption but you get embryos that couples donate who have had successful IVF cycles. The program that is offered at our doctor's office is actually pretty affordable compared to what we've already paid...however it's a 2 year waiting period. There is another organization in Tennesse that handles embryo adoption but at first glace at their information it's pretty expensive. And of course there is adoption of the more common kind...and are minds are open to that possibility as well. I honestly do not know what the future holds...but I do know that this is not the end of "The Oliver's Journey". There will be more chapters to come and I pray that you all will follow us every step of the way. This blogging experience has been one I wouldn't change. I know everyone does not agree with me putting all of this private intimate information out there for the world to read...but it has truly helped me and I know for a fact that it has inspired others facing this same difficult road.

We do have some immediate plans that I'd like to share that we are both pretty excited about. May 1st Jason and I will be attending a family building conference in Atlanta. This conference is put on by RESOLVE (the infertility organization) and we are hoping to walk away with some valuable information on whatever may lie next on our journey. Then in June we are going to the Bahamas! We are very much looking forward to this MUCH needed vacation.

Oh, one last thing for now....a reader asked that I post on here some of mine and Jason's favorite resturants...so here's the answer to that question....Surin (280), Leonardo's, PF Changs. Hope that helps!

For now we are just going to pray about what is next and hopefully God will direct us to the right decision that is best for us. Again, thank you all for the continued support, love and prayers.

Reflection...

2010-04-15T15:15:00.000-05:00

Obviously my mind isn't 100% clear after the news broke yesterday......but I have had some time to reflect on the situation and try to wrap my mind around my feelings. Between the tears...the kleenax...and the swollen puffy eyes...I'm trying to focus on the things I told myself from the beginning that I would focus on if this cycle didn't work. For starters.......losing this weight. Fertility drugs are no joke and I've gained about 20 pounds in the past year. I'm past the point of being mad at myself for not exercising more...blah, blah, blah. It is what it is and now I can focus on losing the weight and get back to the size I want to be. For the most part it's something I can control and I need to feel back in control of some aspects of my life. Hmmm...well sitting here I can't think of what else is on my list...(my mind is a bit jumbled) but I think the weight loss goal is enough for starters.

A lot of you have asked what is next for our journey. We have a follow up appointment with Dr. H. on Tuesday to discuss everything. We aren't sure what her recommendations will be...but anxious to hear what she has to say. I'm sure Jason and I will be armed with lots of quetions for her. A lot would have to change in the course of treatment for me to agree to do a 3rd round of IVF. I just can't put myself...Jason...my emotions...my body...my heart through it all again...unless there is something they can treat me for that could result in better quality eggs. I don't even know if that is possible. After our appointment we are just going to take some time for US...take a step back and then after some time decide what to do next.

As for how I'm feeling......well.....it ain't pretty. It's unexplainable. The emotions are gut wrenching and this is without a doubt the hardest situation I've ever encountered in my life. All I can do is ask God to pick me up and carry me. The sadness in my heart...and Jason's heart is just pitiful. I know in time the wounds will heal but there are definitely going to be scars left on our hearts.

Thoughout this storm....our family and friends have really been our light. I cannot even express in words how meaningful all of the emails, calls, texts, Facebook messages, blog comments, real hugs, virtual hugs, cards, gifts have been. There isn't a lot about my life that I understand...but what I DO know is that God has blessed me above and beyond with an amazing support system.

I'd like to say a special thank you and I love you to my husband. Your courage and your strength and your love has been validated to me every day...God blessed me with an amazing husband and I couldn't ask for anything more. Whatever lies ahead for us next...I'm just glad we are going to explore it together. Thank you for holding me when I cry and making me laugh when I am sad.

Stay tuned for whatever is next in The Oliver's Journey....

result:negative

2010-04-14T10:34:00.002-05:00

I'm not pregnant....
I will write more later but I wanted to get the news out to our faithful readers.

I'm chosing to keep my eyes focused on God...but I'm going to take some time to grieve.

Hopeful and humble...

2010-04-13T15:15:00.000-05:00

I am hopeful that tomorrow's test results reveal a miracle is growing inside of me.

I am humbled by the work God is doing on my heart.

If you had told me this time last week that the afternoon before my test I would be cool, calm and collected I would have laughed in your face. And then I'm sure I would have cried. You see, I have been a ball of emotions for the past 6 weeks. But something has changed within me. God has been working overtime in continously telling me He is in control and revealing himself time after time. I'm sure He's done this all along but I've been too wrapped up to notice. I didn't take the time to LISTEN. I have cried out to Him thousaunds of times but I finally stopped to listen. It's like He's given me a breath of fresh air. Trust me...don't be afraid. Only He knows the outcome tomorrow and I can honestly say I'm prepared...I'm armed with whatever comes our way tomorrow.

I have been listening to the music of John Waller today. He is a fabulous Christian artist that has some amazing song lyrics. I want to share some lyrics that I wrote down to help me not lose track or focus.

*I will uphold you, just trust me with all your heart.
*Cling to the peace that guards your heart.
*Cling to the promise though you will stumble, you will not fall.
*Thou will keep me in perfect peace when my mind is stayed on you.

Obviously I don't always understand the things we all have to go through...but I have a reaffirmed faith and trust in God's plan. Bring it on.... I'm not afraid anymore.

I made a purchase yesterday...

2010-04-09T10:17:00.000-05:00

For a while now I have been hearing a lot about Max Lucado's book Fearless. By no means am I a "reader". I read magazines...read blogs...read daily devotionals...but I've never been one to sit down with a good book and get lost in the pages. A dear friend sent me a video link of Max Lucado talking about his book Fearless. Ok God...I hear you...go buy the book. :) I'm very excited about sitting down and reading these pages. "Imagine your life without fear" it says on the front cover. Wow...how nice would that be??? God is tugging at my heartstrings...I just know it. I remember earlier this week crying out to God...please....give me a sign to help me through this...I need help. I truly believe this is His way of answering me. Read the book Kara...read the book.

I can't wait to share my review of this book when I'm done. Stay tuned...
http://www.maxlucado.com/fearless/

Prayers for positive thinking...

2010-04-05T14:58:00.000-05:00

Well, today was embryo transfer. We ended up with one mid-grade embryo...and one that was not really grade worthy. However, both were transfered today. Obviously it was a huge let down that we didn't get better results. Dr. H. seems to think that there could be something wrong with my ovaries. I have no idea what that could be...it seems they've tested me for everything under the sun...but she really expected me to respond better than I have considering "on paper" everything has been great. She did say that she has had patients get pregnant from these quality of embryos. SO.........the bottom line is...while the odds aren't probable....it is still POSSIBLE for me to get pregnant from this transfer today. Without having any embryos left over to freeze...that means if I don't get pregnant from this cycle that is the end of the road for this shared risk plan. Will we go through another round of IVF? I have no idea. For now we are trying to just focus on this current cycle. I go back next Wednesday for my blood test to find out if I'm pregnant. Every part seems like the "hardest part"....but this definitely is. Jason and I have done everything possible we can to aide in the success of this...its all in God's hands now.

I am off work all of this week for rest, rest, and more rest. Please pray for my attitude to stay positive. It's so easy right now to just cry and already say it's not going to work...but I know deep down that I believe in miracles and there very well could be one happening inside me at this very moment. I'm just so afraid of getting let down again. But this is part of the process....I have to just trust His plan.

And then there were FOUR!

2010-04-03T08:21:00.000-05:00

Got a message early this morning from one of the embryologists. We now have FOUR cleaved embryos! One of the "unresponsive" embryos from Thursday pulled through and caught up to the other 3. So...for now we have 4 embies growing. (it's so crazy to me that 4 potential babies are growing in a petridish across town and not inside my body...) They said all 4 are in the grade range they like to see for this time...although, they didn't tell me what grade. I can't get a hold of anyone there now so I'm just going on what the voicemail told me. Still, anything can happen between now and Monday's transfer. We could get there any only have 1 viable embryo...or we could have all 4...it just depends. I'm really working on reminding myself that God has this under control. There is nothing Jason and I can do at this point except wait for our appointment on Monday.

The greatest miracle of all is being celebrated this weekend....I pray that Easter will always remind Jason and I of another great miracle as well. A child.

While I'm waiting..

2010-04-02T13:11:00.000-05:00

I found this song on a new friend's blog. A fellow friend who is waiting on their miracle. I couldn't have needed these lyrics more today. It REALLY spoke to me today....I know it's God revealing himself through others.

I'm waiting

I'm waiting on You, Lord
And I am hopeful
I'm waiting on You, Lord
Though it is painful
But patiently, I will wait

I will move ahead, bold and confident
Taking every step in obedience
While I'm waiting
I will serve You
While I'm waiting
I will worship
While I'm waiting
I will not faint
I'll be running the race
Even while I wait

I'm waiting
I'm waiting on You, Lord
And I am peaceful
I'm waiting on You, Lord
Though it's not easy
But faithfully, I will wait
Yes, I will wait
I will serve You while I'm waiting
I will worship while I'm waiting
I will serve You while I'm waiting
I will worship while I'm waiting
I will serve you while I'm waiting
I will worship while I'm waiting on You, Lord

Lord, hear our prayers...

2010-04-01T14:00:00.000-05:00

Here's the run down of our first report:
18 eggs retrieved
7 were mature*
3 fertilized embyos
*the remaing 4 are still "to be determined" they didn't test positive or negative...so it is possibe that by Saturday we could have more embryos.

When I first got the call earlier they told me we were dropped from the shared risk program because we didn't meet the criteria of 8 mature eggs. This news sent me into a tailspin because we would owe more money...thousands of dollars in more money that Jason and I just don't have. Since then, that information has been cleared up from Dr. H herself. They apologized profusely for giving us that misinformation. Since we met the criteria during cylce 1...we are still in shared risk. So, that is a relief that we won't owe more money. However, I am disappointed in our results. I know it only takes one...and these 3 embryos could be the best quality ever....but I'm still disappointed. We won't get a report tomorrow...but we will get a report on Saturday. This is such a crucial time right now. It's very possible that we get news that none of the 3 made it...which means there is nothing to transfer on Monday. But it's also possible that all 3 make it and are viable embryos.

As far as how I'm feeling physically....not too great. I'm still cramping pretty bad and I don't know what I was thinking by going to work today. I've since left work and am now resting in my bed...I'm about to medicate myself with some demerol and phenergan and hopefully drift off into sleepy time for a while. I'm just exhausted emotionally and physically.

So for now...faithful prayer warriors....please fall to your knees and lift us up. We need it more than ever at this moment.
Lord, hear our prayers...

18 eggs...

2010-03-31T15:33:00.000-05:00

They got 18 eggs today!!! The normal range is like 8-10 so we were thrilled for 18. (we got 25 last time...but just trying to focus on this cycle and this cycle only) We will get a phone call tomorrow to let us know how many of those eggs were mature...and how many fertilized. We do have the "platinum IVF plan" (that I like to think of it as) which includes ICSI. Here's another medical lesson... Intracytoplasmic Sperm Injection (ICSI) is a form of assisted fertilization using micromanipulation, i.e., injecting a single sperm into the cytoplasm of the egg by using a microneedle. So basically they take Jason's best swimmers and actually inject one sperm in each mature egg. (crazy medical technoligy huh??)

I am in a great deal of pain today though....so much pain that I basically cried the whole way home because the cramping and pain was so bad. When I got home I took a pain pill and a phenergan and got a good solid 2 hour nap. I'm still hurting since I got up so I'm just trying to stay as still as possible. Hopefully I will feel more back to normal tomorrow.

Friday I start taking Progesterone. Morning and night. The morning dose is vaginal (sorry guys, there's really no other way to say that...)...the evening dose is in an oil form and a very large shot. This is the shot that Jason gives me in my hip. Monday we will go in for the embryo transfer (praying we have 2 great ones to transfer, and atleast a couple to freeze). Then I go in April 14th for the pregnancy test!

So for now we just wait...anxious to find out tomorrow how many fertilized eggs we have to work with. From there we will get another update on Friday...and another update on Saturday to tell us how the embryos are progressing. We won't know for sure how many embryos we have to transfer until we get there Monday. I go for an acupuncture treatment right before the transfer appointment...and then another one right after it (it's all part of the acupuncture schedule and what they suggest for optimum relaxation). Then, I am off of work all of next week to rest as much as possible. Total rest and relaxation is the best medicine for me during the next couple weeks.

Thank for your continued interest in our lives...I know so many of you are sharing our excitement with us and it really does give me comfort to have such an incredible cheering section.

Keep praying! God brought us to this situation...He will bring us through it!!!!!!!!

Pulling the trigger...

2010-03-29T15:56:00.000-05:00

....we got the final green light from our doctor that retrieval is scheduled for Wednesday morning! At this point I stop all my other medication and I take a hCG trigger shot tonight at 9:15. (side lesson on hCG: The hCG trigger shot is a dose of the hormone human chorionic gonadotropin, which normally is produced by the body after implantation of a fertilized egg into the uterine lining. This medication is delivered by injection and is timed in conjunction with the maturity of the ovarian follicles containing eggs. When the hCG shot is delivered, those follicles release their eggs and a woman may become pregnant. The hCG trigger shot is used in fertility treatments such as in-vitro fertilization) It has to be timed with the retrieval appointment....so retrieval is Wednesday at 9:15...We have to be there at 8:15 that morning. They will start my IV and give me the happy juice to help me relax. :)

My estrogen level was 3,665....and any time it's over 3,000 at this point you are at a higher risk for hyper stimulating (OHSS)....so I have to start a Rx tonight and take it for 8 days to help prevent OHSS from happening. (this happened with IVF cycle 1). A side lesson in OHSS: Normally, a woman produces one egg per month. Some women undergoing fertility treatments are given medicines to help normalize egg development or increase egg production. However, if the drugs stimulate the ovaries too much, the ovaries can suddenly become very swollen and fluid can leak into the belly and chest area. This is called ovarian hyperstimulation syndrome (OHSS). OHSS occurs only after the eggs are released from the ovary (ovulation).You may be more likely to get OHSS if your doctor gives you an injection of a hormone called human chorionic gonadotropin (hCG) to help trigger ovulation. You may have an even greater risk of this syndrome if you receive more than one dose of hCG after ovulation and if you become pregnant during this cycle. OHSS rarely, if ever, occurs in women who only take fertility medicines by mouth.OHSS affects up to 10% of women who go through in vitro fertilization. In most cases the condition is mild, but some women get a severe and dangerous form of OHSS.

Most common (mild) side effects from this? Abdominal bloating, Mild pain in the abdomen,Weight gain...hmm....no wonder my pants are tight today....should have worn elastic. :)
So, there you have it....a medical lesson you probably didn't expect to get today!
Keep those prayers comin'!!!

Part of what keeps me going...

2010-03-28T22:41:00.000-05:00

I wanted to take a minute and share some pictures of my family....these core people in my life are what keeps me going. Without my family....I wouldn't have much at all. They are my heart!

First...my husband Jason...I love him more than words can say...

My parents, David & Lesa...and my sister, Jennifer. These three people have helped me through the best of times..and the worst of times....and they love me unconditionally...it's a wonderful feeling.

My sister's family. Her husband Robert and their two kids, Hudson & Olivia. Those kids have brought more joy to my life than I ever imagined.

My nephew Hudson. He's becoming such a little boy now...and amazing me every time I see him. He makes my heart smile.

My niece, Olivia. This picture makes me want to cry...tears of joy. She is growing up so fast and is the most adorable little girl I've ever seen.

I just felt compelled to share these pictures...My family has been a great support system through this whole experience and I just wanted to say: I love you!!!!!!

I need to go make a nest...

2010-03-28T10:52:00.000-05:00

....so I can go lay these darn eggs!!!!!! LOL!!!!!! How fitting that all of this is going on during the Easter season....egg hunts...egg retrieval.....coincidence? I think not.....God DOES have a sense of humor.

Another great report this morning at the doctor's office. There are about 5 follicles (eggs) that are already ready to be retrieved...but there are quite a few others that are following closely behind. All in all there are probably around 20 follicles in there. The black blobs were really large on the monitor today! The nurse was like...whoa...you are ready! HA! My right ovary is progressing along a bit quicker than my left....however...I continue on with the medications tonight....and go back for one more check tomorrow morning. Retrieval will be Wednesday!! All of the preperation...all of the restrictions.....all of the prayers........... all of the waiting.....it all comes down to the next couple weeks.

As I was typing this I did get a call from the doctor's office with my bloodwork back. My estrogen level was really high....which is a good thing...but the doctor on call this weekend reviewed my chart and since I had so many follicles that are ready they are changing up my medication for tonight. Basically they are taking out my Follistim medication which triggers the follicles to grow more. Nothing to be alarmed at....but basically they are putting me in more of a holding pattern I believe. I did let her know that I didn't get any results yet from the bacteria cultures....yearly physical...etc. Everything came back normal and perfect. Yeah! Everything "on paper" is progessing just as it should be in order for this cycle to work. I have been really excited the past couple days so I just pray this really is God continuing to prepare my heart and mind for a miracle.

Keep lifting up the Oliver's....we need it!! :) As always...thanks for all the conitued support from the best family a friends out there!

18 blobs...

2010-03-25T15:56:00.000-05:00

Our first follicle check for this cycle went great! The nurse counted around 18 follicles (aka black blobs) and they are all measuring right on track for where they should be. (at this point in cycle 1 I had about 22 and then we had 25 eggs retrieved...so there definitely could be more than 18 lingering around in there) I got my bloodwork results back this afternoon and all of my hormone levels are all in the normal range. It's always such a huge sigh of relief to get these calls. Just because the ultrasound shows one things doesn't always necessarily mean the bloodwork will match up. So you play the waiting game each day to get those confirming phone calls. The plan now is for us to go back on Sunday morning for the next follicle check. (for those of you new to reading the blog since last cycle...they do see patients 7 days a week...they are at the mercy of our bodies!) Depending on how the follicles measure on Sunday will determine when egg retrieval will be. They might want me to come back on Monday morning to check again...or they might go ahead and schedule the retrieval for a couple days later. It's just a "wait and see" type of situation. So for now, I just continue on with the daily shots and then Sunday Jason and I both start a round of antibiotics. Just another preventative to make sure we are in tip top shape.

I SO appreciate all the kind words you all are sending to me...text messages...facebook messages....emails...I welcome them all and they make me feel so loved and lifted up. This process is a tough one emotionally, and physically and it just helps so much to know what a support system we have...through the great times...and the crappy times. But let's just focus on the great times!!!!!!!!!! I've had such a great feeling about this lately and I just pray it's God preparing my heart for the blessings to come in the following weeks.

Moving forward!

2010-03-19T14:49:00.000-05:00

Yesterday was my suppression check (bloodwork and ultrasound). The ultrasound looked fine...there was a small cyst still on my left ovary but it wasn't big enough to alarm the nurse. But basically everything looked just as it should. Just found out that all the bloodwork came back perfect...all of my levels were in the normal range! :) So, that means that on Sunday I will decrease the amount of Lupron I am injecting by half (praise God) and add in another shot. This is the stimulation medication (aka - STIMS) if you look back at my old post from cycle 1 http://theoliversjourney.blogspot.com/2009/08/makings-of-stim-shot.html you will see what goes into this medication. Because my dose of Lupron is going down, hopefully that means that these dreaded headaches will decrease. They did end up calling me in Lortab so I have been taking those to help...but I'd rather not have to take them as they make me feel loopy and then sleepy. (two feelings I'd rather not be feeling while I'm at work! But it's better than the pain I was experiencing)

I go in for my first follicle check on Thursday morning. From there I will probably have to go in every morning for the next week so we can monitor the follicles. They have to reach a certain size before egg retrieval can be scheduled (tentatively March 31st, or April 1st).

So...everything is moving along just as it should be! I'm actually starting to feel moments of being excited, versus moments of tears and sadness. Could this be the time that results in a precious miracle for Jason and I?!!? Gosh, I hope so. So many of you have told me you feel good about this cycle...that this is our time. I pray you all are correct! I just ask that you pray for God to scoop up Jason and I during this and carry us...we certainly can't do it alone. I like to think these moments of excitement are God telling me to keep believing in His handywork. I feel like I need to bust out in a karaoke rendition of Journey's "Don't Stop Believin"...and I don't even sing karaoke...lol!! I think I'll just put in my Glee soundtrack instead... :)
Love, Kara

Only God knows our future...

2010-03-18T08:42:00.000-05:00

I get these daily email devotionals and they have really been speaking to me lately. I wanted to share this one with you all because we all struggle with things in our lives and need to hear the word of God. I have quite a few close friends right now that are going through hard times...even though our situations aren't the same...the daily emotional struggles we feel ARE the same. It's amazing to me how two totally different situations can result in the same emotional turmoil. It's not that I'm glad others close to me are hurting....but it is comforting to know that I'm not alone when I feel the things I do.

Today is my supression check at the doctor to make sure the Lupron is doing it's job. As long as everything checks out there, I will start the stimulation medicine this weekend. Thank you all so much for your continued interest and prayers for our journey.

Like I said, this devotional spoke to me, and maybe it will speak to you as well.

God knows what gets you stressed

Thursday March 18 2010
Posted by Rick Warren

Call to me and I will answer you. I'll tell you marvelous and wondrous things that you could never figure out on your own. Jeremiah 33:3 (MSG)

"God not only knows about the future, He's there in the future. "

We're all interested in the future. It's interesting to me the things people will try to figure out what's going to happen next: astrology, horoscopes, reading tea leaves, consulting with people, bio-rhythms. But they're going to the wrong source because the only one who knows what's going to happen next is God. The Bible says, even before you were born, God knew all of your future. This means God sees your tomorrow, today. He already sees the things you'll face. The fact is, God is not limited by time. He's able to be in the past, the present, and the future all at the same time. That should give us great confidence in God. He not only knows about the future, He's there in the future. He not only walks with us day-by-day, He can also walk in our future. If I know that God knows all my tomorrows, today, then I should ask for advice. He knows what's going to happen: "Call to me and I will answer you. I'll tell you marvelous and wondrous things that you could never figure out on your own." (Jeremiah 33:3, MSG) The things you don't know, God can tell you about. He's not going to lay out your whole life all at once, telling you everything that will happen in your life. If He did, you'd likely get very discouraged or prideful or both. Instead, He gives it to you a little bit at a time. Here's what I'd suggest, when you get up in the morning, go over your schedule with the Lord. Pray, "Father, You've already seen this day that I'm about to experience. Tell me the things that are important today and then help me to focus on them."

It's a love/hate relationship...

2010-03-14T19:49:00.000-05:00

I love that I'm on Lupron because that means that our IVF cycle is underway...but I hate it because of the way it's making me feel. I really consiously try to not complain about any part of this process because I'm thankful to have the opportunity to go through this. This is really the only way for us to have a biological child so, I pray the good out weights the bad and we'll end up with a miracle baby. But my dear Lord...these headaches are really getting me down. I've basically had a headache since my Lupron shots started last Tuesday. I long for my one caffiene drink a day in hopes it will help...count down every 4 hour time period so I can take more Tylenol...and covet bed time because at least it doesn't hurt when I sleep. I don't remember the headaches being this bad the last time. I've done a lot of research online and there's basically no help. The only thing I can find as a suggestion is water, water, water....which I'm already drinking lots of. I have about one more full week of Lupron shots before I get to decrease my dose and add in the STIMS medicine...which should ease the headaches. I go this Thursday for my first suppression check...and for a physical. Dr. H. requires to have one current each year, and this month marks one year at the ART Program. Gosh, has it really been a year already!?!?! I'm going to ask if there is anything else I can take besides Tylenol...but I'm sure there isn't. It's just part of it. :(

As of right now the rest of our IVF schedule looks to be like this.... Egg retrieval should be somewhere around March 31st, April 1st or April 2nd. Embryo transfer about 4 days after that...and then my blood pregnancy test about 2 weeks after that. So, we should know the big news somewhere around April 20th. I pray this is our time....gosh do I pray. I'm doing all the right things....the rest is in God's hands. Keep lifting us up....

This looks familiar...

2010-03-09T17:19:00.001-06:00

Medication Invasion has taken over the Oliver's kitchen table...yet again. Jason was a great husband and went and picked up all of my meds for me today. When I got home from work and looked in the bags...and said, "yep...this looks just like last time". I really want to try and not compare this cycle to the last because I don't want to have any negative thoughts about it. But seeing all that medication just brought back a whole flood of emotions. Tonight I start my daily Lupron injections. Lupron prevents the production of certain hormones...thus, resulting in a decrease of estrogen and progesterone levels...which is necessary for this process. They've gotta surpress my hormone production before they stimulate it back up to make lots and lots of eggs. :)
I've read that women can respond totally different from IVF cycle to IVF cycle...so I'm anxious to see how I'll respond this time. On the last cycle the Lupron gave me daily headaches. Maybe I'll get lucky and not experience those dreaded things again.
Tomorrow Jason and I go in for some routine bloodwork...then my next appointment will be the 17th for my first suppression check. This ensures the Lupron is doing it's job.
The first time around, this was a huge deal....giving myself a shot...daily shots. But honestly, it doesn't even phase me. These Lupron shots are taken in my stomach and needle is super tiny. In a few days it will become like second nature...like I could do it in my sleep.
So, that's really the update for now...
As always, please lift Jason and I up in your daily prayers.
Love, Kara

In need of some encouraging words...

2010-03-07T13:14:00.001-06:00

What do people do that don't have faith? What do people do when faced with tough situations in life that don't have God to rely on? Thankfully, I am a believer in God. I'm a believer in a predestined plan. Sometimes, yes, I question "why"...but at the end of the day, I know that God has something planned for me and everything happens according to His purpose.
With that being said, I've been having a hard time lately. Sometimes its really hard for me to reliquish control and let God "do His thing". I want to try and plan my life. I've always heard - we make plans and God laughs. That is so true. I've been struggling lately and am constantly in need of words from God. I received an email today from a friend that were the exact words I needed to hear. I wanted to share them on this blog because I know we all struggle with things, and for those believers out there, these are the perfect encouraging words:

Trusting God when I don't understand
Sunday March 07 2010 12:00 AM
Posted by Rick Warren

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight." Proverbs 3:5-6 (NIV)
When the children of Israel were finally set free from Egypt after 400 years of slavery, they started marching out to freedom and the first thing they came to was the Red Sea. There were impassable mountain ranges on two sides of them, the sea in front of them.

Behind them, in hot pursuit, was the Egyptian army because the Pharaoh had changed his mind about letting them go. The path before the Israelites looked like a dead end.

But God knew exactly what He wanted to do. He had not made a mistake. He could see what they could not see. He opened the Red Sea and they walked through to safety. Years later, the Israelites looked back and sang, "Your road led by a pathway through the sea—a pathway no one knew was there!" (Psalm 77:19 LB).

You may be facing a dead end right now—financial, emotional, relational—but God can see a path that you don't know about. If you will trust God and keep on moving in faith, even when you don't see a way, He will make a way.

It will become more understandable as you head down the path he sets before you, but understanding is not a requirement for you to start down the path. Proverbs 4:18 says, "The path of the righteous is like the first gleam of dawn, shining brighter till the full light of day" (NIV). One day you will stand in the full light of eternity and view the big picture. You'll see God's purpose behind the path He specifically chose for you.

What do I do in the meantime? You do what Proverbs 3 says: "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight." What does He mean "don't lean on your own understanding"? You don't need to try to figure it out. In truth, you're not going to understand most of the things that happen in your life until you get to heaven.

Be patient. God knows what He's doing. God knows what's best for you. He can see the end result. You can't. All those problems, heartaches, difficulties and delays -- all the things that make you ask "why" -- one day it will all be clear in the light of God's love.

But for now, we're learning to trust God.

Tuesday we have a phone appointment with our IVF cooridnator. This is when we will get our calendar of this cycle and find out when the shots start. We are anxious to get this cycle under way. It's getting very close!

I'm selfishly going to ask for lots of prayers here.
I'll keep you all posted....

thank you...

2010-03-03T21:45:00.000-06:00

I would like to post a "thank you" out to the cyber blog world....thank you to our anonymous writer. Today in the mail we received a letter and gift from anonymous....I know they are probably reading...at least I hope they are reading, otherwise, I have no other way of thanking this person. Thank you for your generous gift......and for your letter. I know you didn't mean any harm. Thank you, whoever you are.

For better or worse...through sickness and health...

2010-02-28T14:34:00.004-06:00

Tomorrow, March 1st is our 2nd anniversary. 2 years ago we got married in Savannah, GA. The ceremony was at dusk in Forysth Park...with the reception at Paula Deen's restaurant. It was a perfect day...the weather was incredible...the azalea's were in full bloom...it exceeded our expectations. I paid attention to every tiny detail...and it paid off. It was the best day of my life. More importantly than all the details...it was so perfect because I married my best friend. I married a man I waited 27 years for. We were so full of bliss....never in our wildest dreams did we imagine the road God had planned for us. The struggles we have gone through the past 2 years can certainly test a relationship. Just like our wedding day....my husband has exceeded my expectations as well. He might not always be the best at telling me what he's feeling....but I know with all my heart that he is the best thing that ever happened to me...and I can't imagine going through this with anyone else. I take this opportunity on this blog to tell Jason...and the world....I love you with all my heart and I promise each and every day to exceed YOUR expectations and be the best wife I can be...

With all that being said I want to stray away from the topic of IVF for a bit and dedicate the rest of this blog post to food. Yes, food. Those of you know that know me well, know that I love food...I love to cook food...I love to eat food...I love to talk about food. Jason took me to a fabulous anniversary dinner last night to Highlands Bar & Grill. If you are from Birmingham you know about Highlands. It's one of the most coveted restaurants in the city and I've wanted to eat there for years. The meal was above and beyond what we hoped for and worth every penny. One of mine and Jason's favorite dishes is beef carpaccio. If you aren't familiar with what that is...it's raw beef that is sliced paper thin....basically tissue paper thin. They line the plate with the beef and then in the middle of the plate was a horseradish sauce... then it was topped with shaved Parmesan and a pile of arugula. It is heaven on a plate. Luckily Jason and I share the same passion for food. :) Next was the salad...I got the fried oyster salad. It was a huge generous portion of romaine lettuce, fried oysters and then fried pieces of red bell pepper and thin slices of lemon that were fried as well. I never thought of frying a lemon slice...but the combination of flavors worked so well together. I would go back and order this as an entree. In fact, I'm going to try and recreate this dish at home very soon. Again, heaven on a plate. On to the entree (and yes...by this point I was already full...but this isn't an opportunity to pass up....). Jason and I both decided to try something new. I got the Pompano & Scallops. Pompano is a white fish that is firm yet delicate. Scallops are one of my favorite things...but they can easily be overcooked....I knew Highlands wouldn't disappoint. It was served with a brown butter sauce, capers and then roasted cauliflower and fingerling potatoes. This was a dish I could only aspire to recreate at home. Food like this makes me so happy. It was incredible. Jason got the Triggerfish. It came with a beet relish, toasted walnuts, radishes and steamed potatoes. Another fabulous choice. Still trying to find room in my tummy...it was on to dessert. We got two choices and shared. :) The sweet & salty chocolate cake and the coffee creme brulee. The cake...it was this incredibly moist chocolate cake with a dark chocolate ganache. It had a caramel sauce on the plate and sea salt was sprinkled on it. Ingenious idea. I think now any time I have chocolate cake in the future I am going to reach for the sea salt. It was just one of those odd combinations that just plain worked. To die for. On to the coffee creme brulee....Jason and I both adore creme brulee. The addition of the coffee made it even better. The burnt sugar crust on creme brulee makes me a happy girl...it's just such a wonderful treat. The dessert plates had "Happy Anniversary" written in chocolate sauce on them. They were beautiful presentations. I so badly wanted to reach for my camera and snap pictures of all of the plates of food....but I resisted. To sum up, it was a totally fabulous meal....one we will never forget. Hopefully we can make a trip back at some point in the future.

Happy Anniversary Jason! I love you! :)

I must have lost 6 ounces...

2010-02-23T15:54:00.002-06:00

...that's what Jason said after he saw the amount of fluid they drained from the cyst. Apparently it was bigger than they thought. I'm so thankful that Dr. H. pushed to have it drained versus trying more medication to do the trick.
The morning started off not so fun as the nurse attempted to put in my IV. I have had countless surgeries over the years. Too many ear surgeries than I care to remember...so I've had well over my fair share of IVs. I've NEVER experienced anything like this before. After an unsuccessful attempt by one nurse, they called another one in. Luckily again, Jason was there to hold my hand...or I should probably say squeeze. I think I cut off the circulation. I can't even describe the pain that lasted what I felt was an eternity. I was screaming and crying. :( I paid my dues though....when the IV was finally in they pumped me full of Versed. Versed is this great sedative that makes you forget about anything else in the world except for total relaxation. Frankly, I barely even remember the procedure and don't even remember seeing Dr. H. even though I know we spoke. :) We can home and I took the best nap ever.

With all that being said...the cyst is drained....they sent off the liquid to pathology, just as a common practice....and tonight begins the nuva ring and the journey to IVF cycle #2!

Thank you everyone for all your calls, texts, and facebook messages. Hopefully this was just a minor bump in the road.
Hugs and love to you all!

That's one big cyst....

2010-02-22T18:04:00.002-06:00

So, this morning was my baseline check in order for us to start round 2 of IVF. This involves bloodwork, a bacteria culture, and an ultrasound. Bloodwork: check, Culture: check (with some moderate cramping...but still CHECK), Ultrasound: che....WOAH....what is that huge black mass?!? Literally me, Jason and the nurse all went - holy cow....look at that huge black mass. The cyst from last time was still there...and had almost doubled in size. That means the prometrium prescription didn't help shrink it as planned. Today is measured at 5 cm....about 2 inches in size. Considering the size of the "parts" down there....a 2 inch mass kind of gets in the way. Nonetheless, the nurse instructed us to proceed as planned with starting the nuva ring tonight and keep it in for 3 weeks. We scheduled our appointment with our IVF coordinator to talk about our calendar and get all my medications (shots, etc) ordered. The plan was the nuva ring should shrink or diminish the cyst. It's appointments like today where we don't even see our doctor (it's a common thing, we really only see her for the major appointments). So, about 2:30 this afternoon I get a call from Dr. H. Not a nurse....but Dr. H. herself. My stomach did that funny scared flippy thing when I heard her voice. She seemed very concerned with the cyst and didn't want to waste any more time with meds....we need to get in there and drain that sucker. So, I have to be at the doctor's office at 7:15 in the morning. When I get there they will hook me up with an IV and "feel good" drugs...and the procedure is at 8:15. It's actually a lot like an egg retrieval. They go in with a proe and drain the fluid from the cyst. I'll be groggy and spend the day in bed (cue the sympathetic eyes and milking it for all it's worth from Jason). What is going on our house?!?!!? First Jason with the kidney stone...and now this...all within 3 days of each other?! We are quite the pair lately. :(

Regardless of any anxiety I have over this....it's the best thing. I don't need anything getting in the way or slowing down this process. These cysts are no joke...if they didn't go in and drain it, it very likely could rupture, and then we have big problems. From what I gathered from Dr. H....this won't hinder our progress with this cycle (thank GOD)....of course this is all subject to the outcome of tomorrow, but we are keeping our fingers crossed and saying all kinds of prayers! :) I had an acupuncture session this afternoon and it was wonderful...I feel asleep and it was one of those totally fabulous quick power naps. I was actually really surprised that I was able to relax enough to sleep for a bit. (I guess that means Dr. Fogo is doing his job!)
So....be looking for an update tomorrow. Until then...keep those prayers comin!

Bitter/sweet time...

2010-02-20T08:49:00.006-06:00

What an eventful past 24 hours............. it all started yesterday (Friday) morning when Jason woke up in excruciating pain. Let me brag on my husband for a second....the man never complains - about anything. At least not to me anyway. So I knew when I saw him in this state that something was really wrong. Thankfully, my mom works for a group of urologists and I called her right away. They worked him first thing yesterday morning to see the doctor and confirmed it was in fact a kidney stone. Jason has never had a kidney stone before (neither have I). We were at the doctor's office and they took him back for a cat scan....while he was down the hall I went to the restroom and low and behold....I had started my period! This is what we've been waiting for in order to start round 2 of IVF! I was ecstatic! So excited for this next step....but I was in emotional pain watching Jason go through this physical pain. It seems that I'M always the patient and Jason has always taken great care of me....well, now it was my turn to step up and take care of HIM. TO make a long story short....we were sent home from the doctor and Jason had some relief from a shot of Demerol. But by yesterday afternoon the pain was back full force. After an episode of throwing up...I knew it was time to head to the ER. 6 hours later they admitted him and at that point he was resting comfortably on the best pain meds around. Right now it's 9:00 am on Saturday and we are still in the hospital. They think he could have passed the stone...but we are not sure, he's not in pain and not on any medication so we are crossing our fingers that it did pass. Obviously this whole experience is the "bitter" part. I've never seen Jason like that...in that much pain. It hurt me so bad to see him like that and even drove me to tears. Like I said, I'm usually the patient and during the past year of our journey there have been many times that Jason has witnessed me in pain. Whether it was physical or emotional....to see your spouse, the person you care so much about and love with all of your heart...go through pain like that...it breaks your heart. I'm almost glad this happened (don't kill me Jason...lol) but honestly, it was a reality check for me...to reverse the roles and get to take care of him like he's done for me all this time. Wishing I could take away his pain....I know Jason has felt that so many times for me.

Now...on to the "sweet" part! :) I go Monday morning bright and early for my baseline blood work and ultrasound. It's the first of many hurdles to jump over for an IVF cycle. We've done this before, so we know what to expect. Everything has to fit together just right for us to be able to move to the next step. I pray that large cyst has diminished and that it doesn't hinder our progress. In addition to all of this....we are increasing my acupuncture treatments to twice a week. I have to say, I am really enjoying acupuncture...and really looking forward to going twice a week. 20 minutes of uninterrupted...total relaxation time. Who wouldn't look forward to that??? :)

So many of you have been asking for updates....so I am proud to report the news to you today of our progression.

God is going to see us through this storm. He has this great master plan and I can not wait to see what he has in store for us! :) As always....keep those gracious prayers coming.

Leafy greens & pineapple...

2010-02-10T14:24:00.001-06:00

Monday night’s RESOLVE meeting went really well. I’m so glad I went. The first part of the meeting was a very informative session from a local acupuncturist. She’s really big on Chinese medicine (herbs, etc.) so it was interesting to hear about that. Having already started acupuncture with Dr. Fogo, I already knew a lot of what she told us on the acupuncture side. But it was still beneficial for me. The philosophy behind acupuncture has do with blood…a healthy blood flow through out the body…and creating the right kind of energy from your body. There is a lot you can do to help the quality of your blood, and a big portion of that comes from your diet. She stressed it many times…eat lots of leafy greens. If you are going to commit to something like IVF, you need to REALLY commit to it. Make sure you do everything possible so you can look back and know that you’ve done all you could do. I am actually fortunate that I’m one of those people that likes to eat healthy. Do I always do it….of course not. But I truly do like vegetables, especially the dark leafy greens. So…an overhaul of food in the Oliver house is about to happen (sorry Jason!). I am going to have to make a conscious effort to get more vegetables in my diet. I didn’t really do that the first IVF round…so any modifications that can work in my favor, I’m up for it! Another thing she stressed is water. We’ve all heard this a thousand times….drinking plenty of water is the one of the best things you can do for your body. At a minimum, 64 ounces a day. I really try to get that in…but it doesn’t always happen. Again, I’m going to have to make a conscious effort.

After she spoke we all went around the table and shared stories about our lives. Some of these girls have been around each other for months so they were already familiar with their background and journeys thus far. Regardless, it was so helpful to hear others that are battling the same struggles that Jason and I are. Each story was unique, but we all have that common bond that is so hard for some to understand or relate to. In sharing, one of the girls brought up the importance of eating pineapple (fresh...not canned or frozen). I know there are a lot of old wives tales out there (so this totally could fall into that category), but apparently pineapple has an enzyme called bromelain, which is supposed to somehow aid in implantation of the embryo into the uterus. So, I would need to eat it starting the day of embryo transfer up until the time I would find out if was pregnant. I know, some of you are probably sitting there rolling your eyes going – Kara…eating pineapple isn’t going to get your pregnant. But…walk the last year in my shoes and you’ll be up for trying any and all suggestions. And I LOVE pineapple…so I will absolutely be testing that theory! The girl who told me to try it….she’s pregnant after a few attempts at IVF. Just sayin’….

So, at this point I’m still taking the prometrium and waiting on my period to start. Well, I started the pills last Monday (day 16 of my cycle) and I was supposed to take them for 10 days. The label on the bottle said – take one pill at bedtime, days 16-25. The other night I’m thinking…um, there are still quite a bit of pills left. And right there on the label it says, quantity: 20. So, got clarification from the doctor’s office. I was supposed to be taking TWO at bedtime. I don’t know if the nurse that called it in got it wrong…or the pharmacy got it wrong. So, she told me to just start taking 2 at bedtime and keep taking them until either I start…or run out of pills. I know mistakes happen, but let’s be honest, when they happen to you it’s just super frustrating.
Another suggestion was given about a book to read: The Infertility Cure – I think it talks a lot about diet and other factors that can aid in helping along those follicles and embryos. So, I’ll be buying that book. In addition, there is a fertility yoga DVD that the acupuncturist suggested….so I’m going to be hitting up amazon.com for both!

I’m still struggling daily that God has a plan and knows what’s best. I have to remind myself all the time. For I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord…..

Thanks to everyone who continue to check up on us! It means so much!

Hello my name is Kara and I'm infertile....

2010-02-07T19:33:00.002-06:00

So, tomorrow night will mark my first "support group" meeting. Thankful to other bloggers out there, I have found out about an organization called RESOLVE. It's the national infertility organization and they have a chapter right here in Birmingham. They meet once a month and February's meeting is tomorrow night. I've heard WONDERFUL things about this group and I'm anxious to meet everyone and check it out. Tomorrow's topic is actually on acupuncture! Seems very fitting and meant to be. (as my mom said, all the pieces seem to be fitting together). I'm really trying to keep an upbeat attitude and positive outlook on our upcoming cycle #2. I've been reading a lot of other's stories out there...I love that others are blogging about their same experiences. It really helps to read others stories, words of wisdom, heartaches...and joys. That is why I know going to these group meetings will also benefit me so much. On the same token....the acupuncture is still going great! Two sessions in and I'm so glad that I'm doing it. It really is such a relaxing experience!
A lot of you have asked when we'll start up again...just waiting on mother nature to determine that one. Hopefully within the next couple weeks the process can begin.
I read this on some one else's blog...and when I read it I knew it would be a saying I would cling to: "Having faith in God also means having faith in His timing." It's so, so true.
May we ALL have faith. :)

Wikipedia defines acupuncture as...

2010-01-30T10:21:00.003-06:00

Acupuncture is the procedure of inserting and manipulating filiform needles into various points on the body to relieve pain or for therapeutic purposes.
Therapeutic? Yeah right (you are probably saying)....why would you willingly go and get stuck more than I already have over the last 6 months?? Why? because when you want something badly enough, you will try all the means possible to achieve your goal. I've heard many people suggest the use of acupuncture in conjunction with IVF. I've read about it and talked to Dr. H. about it. While there is no proven evidence out there that is hands down aids in the success of IVF....it can have definite calming effects and I will do just about anything to reduce stress and anxiety.
Wikipedia goes on to mention infertility and acupuncture and has this to say:
Acupuncture regulates the hypothalamus and pituitary glands in your brain which can be thrown out of equilibrium due to stress, aging process, and other environmental factors inhibiting its ability to function properly. Acupuncture promotes the circulation of blood in the pelvic cavity which improves ovarian function. Acupuncture is beneficial in promoting follicle production, enhancing uterine blood flow, and improving uterine lining thickness. Thereby positively enhancing overall health increases the chances of conception.
It can't really harm the process....so why not try it??!
Then along came the Fogo's! :)
Jason and I met Justin and Mary Fogo about a year or so ago through the wine club that we are members of. Justin is a chiropractor in the town we live in and Mary manages the office. These people have hearts of gold...and I don't think they've ever met a stranger. (Ansley, you were right....you knew I'd love the Fogo's!) A couple months ago we found out that Justin wanted us to come to him for acupuncture treatments. I was immediately willing and intrigued by the idea. We met with him yesterday and discussed our history...and came up with a plan. The idea of being stuck with needles really didn't freak me out at all (Jason, YES...me NO! LOL!) I was anxious to see if it would really relax me like I've heard so much about. There are MANY, MANY points on the body that acupuncture can target. Justin had definitely done his research and knew just the points he would focus on:
1. the top of the foot between the web of your big toe and second toe
2. on the ankle
3. right below the knew cap
4. two right above the pelvic bone
5. the top of the hand where your thumb and first finger meet
6. on the face between your eyebrows
Each spot has specific reasons for "pin pointing"...sorry for the pun. :)
The needles are so thin....it honestly looks like a hair and almost invisible. it doesn't hurt AT ALL. I mean, maybe the slightest prick or pinch...but virtually pain free. After Justin turned me into a human pin cushion he and Jason left the room....he turned all the lights out and shut the door. He left me laying there in total silence for the next 20 minutes. I knew the purpose of this was to release all my stress and just LET GO. At first I just took a few big deep breaths and my mind started racing about a lot of things. Then I just told myself to stop...it's very hard to stop my mind from racing...but I tried really hard. What I found was it was a perfect time for to me to focus on prayer. What better time to basically meditate and talk to God. So I did just that. I spent most of the next 20 minutes in prayer. When Justin came back and turned the lights back on I really did realize how completely relaxed I was. I never fell asleep, but I can see how you easily could. Justin get acupuncture himself for headaches and he did mention that these treatments could make me feel lethargic like I just need a nap. He was right, I felt so at ease and relaxed. For now I will continue to go in once a week, then when our actual IVF cycle starts I will go twice a week.
I'm so grateful to Justin & Mary that they want to do this for us. Once again, we are so reminded of how lucky we are to have amazing people in our lives. Justin touched my heart when he told yesterday that he just hopes we can all look back one day and say they had a hand in this. It means so much to me that they want to help. My heart is happy today and that's a wonderful feeling. :)

One perfect uterus...

2010-01-25T12:39:00.002-06:00

I couldn't resist making that the title of today's update....but it's not very often my doctor uses the word "perfect" when it comes to my body....so I like to brag when I hear it. :)

Today was our re-establish appointment with Dr. H. and my SIS test. I think I've written about this before...but I'll say it again. I just love our doctor. She's so warm and welcoming and the minute Jason and I sat down in her office it was like we didn't skip a beat. Hard to believe it had been four months since we had been there. She reviewed the protocol we used last time we cycled and she wants to stay on with that course of action. We ran down the list of items (once again) that Jason needs to steer clear of....his beloved cigars...clorox...round up, etc...and ensuring that he is taking the male fertility blend vitamin. In turn, I need to stay as calm and stress free as possible. Oh but first...let's go in this room and let me stick 3 lovely probes up you (at the same time) and let's check out that uterus of yours! Nice! Not my idea of a fun Monday morning....but it's part of it and I've come to accept it. Again, Jason and are in the dark room with our doctor, and the Doppler radar as Jason calls it. We've done this enough to know...there's always that moment just before you see the images come up on the screen where there's a slight fear of panic...hoping and praying the images are good and the results we need. "your uterus looks perfect", Dr. H. said. Music to my ears! First test down and perfect results! Praise God! But you take the good with the bad....there was a HUGE cyst on my left ovary...about the size of a quarter. Nothing life threatening...but something like that can impair the start of round 2. Apparently I'm prone to getting these cysts even though we don't know why. Nonetheless...they are putting me on a prescription to try and shrink it, or diminish it all together. No cysts on the right ovary...everything looked great on that side.

Because of the instruments involved in performing a SIS test, I have to take a short round of antibiotics. To prevent any infection (routine procedure). So, took the first of 4 pills and an hour later it made me so sick. Apparently my Fiber One bar was not enough substance in my tummy. Lesson learned....tomorrow morning just might have to involve Chick Fil A. :)

So, overall, Jason and I are very pleased with the outcome from today and are very much looking forward to starting this up again. My initial thinking is that we will start up sometime around the end of February. The whole process takes 6 weeks...so of course I'm counting out scenarios with my calendar. A flutter came over my heart when I realized what our best case scenario would be...we would be done and know by the beginning of April. My mom's birthday is April 4th...which falls on Easter this year. Easter is all about new beginnings. I can't think of a more perfect time to receive the news of a miracle. I pray this will be the most memorable Easter season of my life.

Thinking...wishing...hoping...

2010-01-24T12:20:00.009-06:00

Tomorrow starts our journey again...to set our plan out for round #2 of IVF. (look for a blog post tomorrow with details from our doctor's appointment) I've written a lot about my thoughts on this in the past and my feelings haven't changed. I'm still anxious and scared. But I'm ready...I'm ready to let go and let God take over....I need Him to pick me up and carry me through this.
I've been going through a lot of old pictures lately...I love doing this because it takes me back to a time (for the most part) when life was much simpler...a lot less complicated...and life was filled with so much joy. Don't get me wrong...I have a lot of joy in my life right now, but it's been so easy to lose sight of that ever since Jason and I started this journey. So, for today...instead of writing about anxious feelings....I'd rather share some pictures that just make me smile and take me back to some very happy times in my life.

Engagement picture...anticipating our wedding day!!!!

The day I married my wonderful Jason. What a perfect day.

Our honeymoon in Peter Island....truly heaven on earth!

Me and my wonderful sister...she's given me 2 precious gifts...my niece and nephew!

Me with my parents...who have held my hands through the toughest times in my life...and who share in my joys during the most happy times. I love you both more than words can say.

Ignorance is bliss!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Getting closer...

2010-01-18T13:23:00.003-06:00

IVF cycle #2 is getting closer and closer. Next Monday the 25th we have a "re-establish" appointment with our doctor. We haven't seen her since September so Jason and are both anxious to get in there and discuss round #2 with her. After taking some time off from the process, we are both ready to start up again...obviously with some emotional hesitation, but not enough hesitation to keep us away! :) Monday our doctor and IVF coordinator will review our chart and make recommendations for round #2. I will also have to have a test run called an SIS (Saline Infusion Sonogram ). This checks the uterus while injecting a saline solution. I have had this test run before, but certain tests have to be kept up to date, just like a woman's yearly exam. My initial thought (based on previous experiences) is that we will start our next cycle at the beginning of March. March 1st will be mine and Jason's 2 year anniversary so I pray that is a good omen for a positive starting point. Obviously, we will know more after our appointment on Monday so look for another update next week.
Having said all that...I have had some pretty bad emotional breakdowns lately. Mostly behind closed doors and by myself, but Jason sees how hard this is on me and I know it pains him to not be able to just "fix it". I wrote in my previous post about my feelings toward cycle #2. I'm excited...I'm scared...I'm nervous....and still working towards releasing bitter disappointing feelings from cycle #1. I'm glad we know to expect this time...but I'm also so scared it's going to have the same result. It's a daily struggle for me to take one day at a time and not dwell on the past. I've had many conversations with God about this and I know He keeps showing me reasons to hang on and not give up hope. But, this process has tested my faith...big time. That is not something I've talked about much to anyone, but it's the truth. The devil is sneaky and devious with his antics and I know this is just him trying to sway me from what I know deep down is the truth. God has a hand in this...and He has a plan. I have to repeat that daily. I know we all struggle with things in our life that test our faith...it's human nature. But I really need some help to not be so bitter about why I'm in this situation.
I know I say this every time...but thank you to everyone who reads this. It makes me smile when the most unexpected people ask why I haven't written an update. It just reminds me of the wonderful support system we have, and I'm beyond grateful for that.

In need of some blogging therapy...

2009-12-06T15:07:00.004-06:00

I know...it's been a long time since I've written a blog post. I want to thank all of you who have requested updates and check daily for a new post! I means so much to me that so many of you are keeping track with our journey. We decided to wait until the first of the year to go through our next IVF round. The Christmas season is so filled with joyous occasions...parties...and FUN, so we wanted to do just that - have some fun and not worry about shots, doctor's appointments, etc. Having said that I took a step back from writing because there really weren't any updates right now. But I've realized that this blog just isn't about keeping the readers up to date with the next step...but it's about sharing my thoughts and feelings about this journey. Just because there haven't been any recent appointments doesn't mean there aren't things to share and write about. So, today's post is really a therapeutic one for me and to get some of these feelings out that are overwhelming me today.
It's brutal honesty time....I'm having a hard day. A really hard day. This happens from time to time. Don't get me wrong...the longing for a child is something I struggle with EVERY DAY. But some days are harder than others. And I'm kind of mad at myself right now. I'm mad that I couldn't even bring myself to go to my nephew's Christmas school program today. I couldn't stop crying long enough to finish getting ready and go watch him sing. Because I couldn't sit there watching all of those precious children and the proud parents with their video cameras and adoring faces. When you want something so badly you don't want to be in the presence of others that have that joy. It's extremely selfish on my part and that's why I'm mad at myself. I'm mad that these fertility problems take such a toll on me and suck the life out of me. I try so hard to not let my condition get the best of me, but sometimes it just takes me over. I keep thinking about our next IVF round coming up. I'm glad that at least this time we will know what to expect...but that can also be a downfall. I'm so scared it's not going to work and experiencing that agonizing emotional pain again. How can I not think about that? it didn't work the first time..I'm obviously going to have a hard time believing it will work this time. I've always been an optimistic person. But this journey has changed that in me. Don't get me wrong...I truly believe everything happens for a reason...but that doesn't mean I'm necessarily optimistic. Even sitting here writing this I'm mad that I even have these thoughts...but this is how I'm feeling at this present moment. I see all of my friends that have these beautiful families and are so full of wonderful moments of being parents....gosh, I so want that. We want that. I can't help but think if I don't become a mom that something will be missing from my life...like I won't be complete or whole until that day comes.
There are so many of you out there who are praying for me and Jason. Please, please, please continue to do so. I (especially) am really in need of some prayer. I'm having a hard time finding that hope inside me. I know it's there...I just need to find a way to bring it back out. I need to continue to fight and not let this defeat me. Please pray specifically that I get that hope and optimism back. Like I said before...this is the wonderful Christmas season and I need to enjoy this time with my husband, my family and my friends and be thankful for all that I DO have in life. All of you who are reading this that are parents....hug your children extra special tonight and be thankful for the wonderful miracle you have. Children are such miracles.

An update...

2009-10-11T20:02:00.003-05:00

So all of the test results have come back! My auto-antibodies were normal...and the culture they took was normal. Great news! Friday we got the results of Jason's SCSA test. They were checking DNA fragmentation....15% and below is considered "excellent". 16% - 30% is "good to fair". Jason's result was 20.9%. So it definitely could have been better....but it could have been a whole lot worse. Dr. H. didn't seem alarmed she just suggested Jason stay away from the following things: smoke, Clorox products, bug killers, Roundup. All of those products contain DNA damaging particles. It's amazing the things that the doctors restrict you from. People get pregnant every day and we are resorting to telling Jason to stay away from spraying some ants dead?? It's just really mind blowing to me. I've had a lot of thoughts running through my mind lately....and I haven't been blogging. I need to be better about posting things on here because it really does help for me to talk about it. I'm starting to get really anxious again and nervous about our upcoming cycle. We are just waiting for me to start my period and the whole process starts up again. So I know that in the next couple of weeks we are back in the mode of shots, ultrasounds, bloodwork, test results, doctors appointments. Granted, it will easier in a way this go around since we know what to expect, but I'm just praying for a miracle this time. Praying that God will bless us with a child and ease this difficult journey. If everything falls into place like the last cycle then I figured up we would find out the results right before Christmas. 2009 has been a difficult year for us...I pray it ends with an answer to our prayers.

Blogging again...

2009-09-28T17:48:00.003-05:00

It's been a while since I've written on this blog. I needed time. Time away to clear my head of the whole process and concentrate on finding peace and calmness.
I want to take this time to thank each and every one of you for reaching out to us. Some of you I haven't responded to your very sweet emails, and some of you I have...but nonetheless they have all meant so much to me...and I speak for Jason and myself when I say they have helped us through this very difficult situation. God puts special people in your life for a reason and I thank God every day for the wonderful people in our lives.

Now, on to the update.
This morning was our follow up appointment with Dr. H. To discuss the failed cycle and our next step. After 3 hours at that office this morning, our minds were more filled with information than ever. We will cycle again, and very soon...probably in the next 4 to 6 weeks. Again, all of the pieces have to fit together and be "just so" before the actual cycle begins. Did Dr. H. share in our disappointment? Absolutely. She seemed as let down as we were over our results. She didn't even expect the outcome we got. I was a text book case up until the end. I responded beautifully to the medication and produced a great number of eggs, right on target for my age. But something just didn't match up.
I had what's called a bio-chemical pregnancy. Basically I was pregnant for a very short time...and the embryo just didn't survive. We may never know the reason (that's for God to know) however, they are running more tests. They are checking my auto-antibodies to make sure my body isn't attacking the embryo. They took blood today and we will know the results of that next week. And for Jason....they suggested we have a test run called SCSA (Sperm Chromatin Structure Assay) This test is voluntary, isn't covered by insurance, costs $375, and takes about 2 weeks for the results to come back. Basically the test checks the DNA fragmentation of the sperm to ensure there aren't any genetic factors in the sperm. It is very possible for a man and a woman to have the best relationship ever...but genetically it's just not meant for them to have biological children. I panicked and thought - are we those people?! I asked Dr. H. if she thought that was our situation and she doesn't feel so. She said we had 2 viable healthy embryos and wouldn't classify us as "genetically incompatible". Nonetheless....they want to run the genetic test...just to rule out any possible problems. One thing Jason and I have said from the beginning....any test they want to run, we are going to have it run. We would hate to look back one day and wonder "what if".
In the beginning we were given a success rate of 85% of taking home a baby. Now, it's more like 50%. Those are odds that I figured decreased after our failed cycle....and Jason and I have to keep saying....50% is better than 40%. Positive thinking...positive attitudes, right? Easier said than done. What I'm struggling with now is ...remaining hopeful...but being realistic. I hope that makes sense. I want to keep my spirits up and my hopes up that this next cycle will work. But I have to keep part of my mind grounded and realistic. What if it doesn't work? I asked Dr. H. this and she said we will just have to re-evaluate the situation then.

My request is this, prayer warriors....
Pray for Jason and I to focus on this cycle on it's own...not about what happened before...not what might happen in the future....but this cycle. Period. I feel like that is the only way I can get through this.

There is more I could write about today....but I'm going to leave it at this for now. My mind is overloaded.

I'll keep you all updated as test results roll in.....
Hugs and love to you all!

Thoughts on the news...

2009-09-12T08:48:00.002-05:00

Yesterday was a tough day indeed. I know we will have more tough days ahead of us, especially in the near future, while continuing to grieve over this cycle.
I got the news yesterday from our doctor. The details of trying to track down the news (terribly frustrating) aren't really important anymore...but the point is, it's always nice to be able to connect with the doctor one on one. Dr. H is one of great compassion and always has a calming sense to her voice. At a time like this you don't want an insensitive doctor, you want a caring and loving doctor and we have just that with her.
Anyway, she explained to me that my beta level went back down. She felt certain that the embryo did in fact implant...but couldn't survive. She said if there is one "positive" thing to focus on right now...it is that. Now we just have to figure out if there is anything differently that can be done next time to help it along a bit more. Yes, we do have another shot at this, another cycle included in what we have already paid for. But for now, we need to focus on my body healing from all the procedures, and all the hormones I've been taking. We go back September 28th for a post cycle visit and to map out the plan for next time. But it's looking like it will probably be November or December before the process starts up again. I know my body needs to heal during this time...but my emotions need to heal as well. A dear friend said to me yesterday - "you need this time to get excited about the process again". That is so true. I need to regain faith in this process...and regain excitement in the journey. All I feel right now is sadness and heartache. I'm going to allow myself time to grieve...time to be sad...time to cry.
It goes without being said....but Jason, once again, has been great and reminding me daily why I married him. He doesn't even have to say anything (frankly, he doesn't know WHAT to say, but what can you say right now) all he has to do is hug me or grab my hand and I know he's hurting right along with me.
I'm going to end this post today with the words from a card Jason and I got this morning from a group of our wonderful friends (complete with a whole basket of goodies...we love you guys). This card says it so perfectly and I had to share...

As You Go Through This...
Difficult things can cause us to ask,
"Why did this happen?"
But if we're trusting in Christ
we never need to ask,
"How could He let this happen?"
God may never reveal
all His reasons to us,
but He has revealed
His character to us.
His character assures us that
He never makes mistakes,
is never uncaring,
and that He never separates Himself
from our need.
The need you face is great,
but the grace that is yours
in Christ is even greater.
May your heart and your faith
stay fixed upon Him
as you go through this difficulty.
Be assured that He is holding your
hand and will not let go!

Heavy heart...

2009-09-11T17:28:00.002-05:00

Jason and I have heavy hearts today over the news that this IVF cycle didn't work. I want to write about this and share everything with you all...but right now I can't. I'm still processing it all and going through the initial grieving process. I will write an update soon. Thank you for all of the prayers. We need our support team more than ever right now.

Prayers for an answer...

2009-09-10T19:29:00.002-05:00

I go back tomorrow morning for another round of blood work. And praying that this test reveals an answer. Is our precious child growing inside of me....or is God telling us it's not time yet? Either way we just pray for an answer...some clarity... Each part of this process I think is the hardest....this waiting is definitely the hardest. Such uncertainty...wanting to be positive...but also wanting to prepare for either outcome. Yes, I know that if this cycle didn't work that we have another chance...but it's not that easy. I know I've said it before, but this is such an emotional and physical demanding process. My body is being pumped full of all sorts of things. Don't get me wrong...I wouldn't trade it for anything. We are doing this for a child, but it's emotionally and physically exhausting. At this point in time I'm still taking progesterone shots in the hips, every night. My hips are so sore it hurts when I sit down...it hurts when I lay on my side in bed...it just plain hurts. And the daily headaches....and my back is killing me...AHHH!!!!!!

Sorry for the complaining...I know I haven't done much of it on here, but it's just what's on my mind at the present moment. Pray for me to be calm and hopeful, and not focus on the pain.

Stay tuned....hopefully tomorrow we will have the results.

Inconclusive...

2009-09-09T11:11:00.003-05:00

More waiting....
This morning's blood test was inconclusive. Not "no"....but not "yes". The beta level would be 20 or above for a positive result and 5 or below for a negative result. My level was 16.3. Seriously?!?!? "Maybe" is the answer we got today. I go back on Friday for another blood test. This should clearly show the results. If the number continues to go up...then yes, success! But the number can still go back down. I can't help but feel that I'll be even more let down if the results Friday are negative. The nurse said that the embryo(s) could have just implanted late...therefore being too soon for it to show up on a test. I know that "maybe" is better than "no".... but it's all still up in the air....way up there...in God's hands. I have to remind myself of that constantly. God works in mysterious ways and for some reason he feels the need to continue to test me and Jason to our utmost potential.
So for now....y'all keep praying....and I'll keep reading Psalm 139.

Thank you so much for all of your love and support. I've been overwhelmed with emails, texts, and notes from so many people. Each one of you are playing a special role in this. God answers all prayers...in His time...in His way.

Psalm 139

2009-09-08T15:23:00.004-05:00

Tomorrow is the big day....our results will be revealed. I've been anxiously and nervously awaiting to find out if this cycle worked or not. I've been extremely emotional the past couple days and I know tomorrow will prove no different. I have been looking for words of comfort today...to help me during this waiting period. I've been listening to some very uplifting music (Cedar's Gray...wonderful CD!) and then I came across an old email that my dad sent me. It's the whole bible on one page. You can click on any and every book/chapter of the bible and there pops up the coordinating verse. (isn't technology wonderful???) I was looking through Psalms and came across this....it really helped lift my spirits and remind me who is in charge here. I'm thankful that I have my faith to cling to during this time...without it I would be completely lost.

Read and enjoy.

Psalm 139

1 O LORD, you have searched me
and you know me.
2 You know when I sit and when I rise;
you perceive my thoughts from afar.

3 You discern my going out and my lying down;
you are familiar with all my ways.

4 Before a word is on my tongue
you know it completely, O LORD.

5 You hem me in—behind and before;
you have laid your hand upon me.

6 Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
too lofty for me to attain.

7 Where can I go from your Spirit?
Where can I flee from your presence?

8 If I go up to the heavens, you are there;
if I make my bed in the depths,you are there.

9 If I rise on the wings of the dawn,
if I settle on the far side of the sea,

10 even there your hand will guide me,
your right hand will hold me fast.

11 If I say, "Surely the darkness will hide me
and the light become night around me,"

12 even the darkness will not be dark to you;
the night will shine like the day,
for darkness is as light to you.

13 For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother's womb.

14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.

15 My frame was not hidden from you
when I was made in the secret place.
When I was woven together in the depths of the earth,

16 your eyes saw my unformed body.
All the days ordained for me
were written in your book
before one of them came to be.

17 How precious to me are your thoughts, O God!
How vast is the sum of them!

18 Were I to count them,
they would outnumber the grains of sand.
When I awake,
I am still with you.

19 If only you would slay the wicked, O God!
Away from me, you bloodthirsty men!

20 They speak of you with evil intent;
your adversaries misuse your name.

21 Do I not hate those who hate you, O LORD,
and abhor those who rise up against you?

22 I have nothing but hatred for them;
I count them my enemies.

23 Search me, O God, and know my heart;
test me and know my anxious thoughts.

24 See if there is any offensive way in me,
and lead me in the way everlasting.

Thank you to all who have been (and continue to) praying for Jason and I. I know we have been lifted up by so many. Regardless of the outcome tomorrow I have to remember there is a master plan here. If I am pregnant, I pray that I don't forget to praise God for our good fortune. And if I'm not pregnant this cycle...then I pray I will not be angry at God and trust his timing.
I have found myself today not able to complete a prayer....when I've talked to God today it has been very sporadic....very choppy....can't complete a thought. A dear friend reminded me today that there are so many people praying for us...and that God knows my heart, I don't have to worry about stringing together a complete thought. Thank you Jenny. :)

Helpful thoughts...

2009-09-04T13:23:00.002-05:00

I've been trying to come up with right words to say to express how I'm feeling during this anxious waiting period....
Then today a dear friend emailed me this. We aren't sure of the original author...but it's a writing that has been passed around through some mutual friends who are also encountering fertility issues. When I read it my eyes filled up with tears and I knew it was the perfect thing to share with all of you here, on this blog. I couldn't have written it better myself.

"what do I think God meant when he gave me infertility? I think he meant for my husband and me to grow closer, become stronger, love deeper. I think God meant for us to find the fortitude within ourselves to get up every time infertility knocks us down. I think God meant for our medical community to discover medicines, invent medical equipment, create procedures and protocols. I think God meant for us to find a cure for infertility. No, God never meant for me not to have children. that's not my destiny; that's just a fork in the road I’m on. I’ve been placed on the road less traveled, and, like it or not, I’m a better person for it. Clearly, God meant for me to develop more compassion, deeper courage, and greater inner strength on this journey to resolution, and I haven't let Him down. frankly, if the truth be known, I think God has singled me out for a special treatment. I think God meant for me to build a thirst for a child so strong and so deep that when that baby is finally placed in my arms, it will be the longest, coolest, most refreshing drink I’ve ever known."
~author unknown