IVF cycle #2 is getting closer and closer. Next Monday the 25th we have a "re-establish" appointment with our doctor. We haven't seen her since September so Jason and are both anxious to get in there and discuss round #2 with her. After taking some time off from the process, we are both ready to start up again...obviously with some emotional hesitation, but not enough hesitation to keep us away! :) Monday our doctor and IVF coordinator will review our chart and make recommendations for round #2. I will also have to have a test run called an SIS (Saline Infusion Sonogram ). This checks the uterus while injecting a saline solution. I have had this test run before, but certain tests have to be kept up to date, just like a woman's yearly exam. My initial thought (based on previous experiences) is that we will start our next cycle at the beginning of March. March 1st will be mine and Jason's 2 year anniversary so I pray that is a good omen for a positive starting point. Obviously, we will know more after our appointment on Monday so look for another update next week.
Having said all that...I have had some pretty bad emotional breakdowns lately. Mostly behind closed doors and by myself, but Jason sees how hard this is on me and I know it pains him to not be able to just "fix it". I wrote in my previous post about my feelings toward cycle #2. I'm excited...I'm scared...I'm nervous....and still working towards releasing bitter disappointing feelings from cycle #1. I'm glad we know to expect this time...but I'm also so scared it's going to have the same result. It's a daily struggle for me to take one day at a time and not dwell on the past. I've had many conversations with God about this and I know He keeps showing me reasons to hang on and not give up hope. But, this process has tested my faith...big time. That is not something I've talked about much to anyone, but it's the truth. The devil is sneaky and devious with his antics and I know this is just him trying to sway me from what I know deep down is the truth. God has a hand in this...and He has a plan. I have to repeat that daily. I know we all struggle with things in our life that test our faith...it's human nature. But I really need some help to not be so bitter about why I'm in this situation.
I know I say this every time...but thank you to everyone who reads this. It makes me smile when the most unexpected people ask why I haven't written an update. It just reminds me of the wonderful support system we have, and I'm beyond grateful for that.
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Hi Kara! I hope you don't think this is weird, but I'm friends with Alice Allen, and when she read my blog, she mentioned that she follows your blog. My husband and I completed 2 failed IUI attempts back in the late summer/early fall, and then in October, we decided to move on to IVF. I started following your blog back in the fall, and I think I've read ALL of your posts. My heart broke for you when I read your post about the failed IVF cycle #1. I wish you nothing but the best for cycle #2. Remember to stay positive and believe that it will work. I just started my first IVF cycle (I'm actually just on day 4), and I am extremely nervous, anxious, excited, etc. about what's to come. Hopefully 2010 will be a great year for the both of us. :)
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