The good, the bad, the ugly...

Jason and I knew going into this adoption process that there were going to be good days, bad days...and then just days that were downright tough. Today has been a tough day. I also knew right from the beginning that just like I did with the fertility side of the journey, that I would share all aspects of this adoption side of our journey. The good side, and the bad side. Mostly up until now it's been great...continuous good news, wonderful things to celebrate. And I've mentioned that things have started to calm down and we are in the waiting portion of the process. Today, the waiting hit me...like a ton of bricks. It's just been a really tough day. For the first time I'm starting to worry....worrying what she's doing and thinking. All we can do is pray that we keep trusting in God's plan. Regardless of the outcome here....we have to TRUST GOD that the path He is paving...is what is best for us. The journey through infertility has been a tough one....this proves no different. I'm experiencing emotions I've never felt before....yet, I feel powerless, just as I did through the IVF process.
Last night we celebrated my sister's birthday. During the night I had a conversation with my mom and Jennifer's mother in law, Elaine. Elaine made some very good points, but the one that has stuck in my mind was her telling me that I need to keep my eyes focused on God's plan..TRUST THAT. Don't lose sight of that. If I feel confident in that...then nothing can get me down. But today I was just that - DOWN. It makes me question my faith...and that is where I know this is the devil having his way with me. Please pray that the devil gets on out of this house...we don't need him around.
Today, just as I was in the middle of a terrible crying emotional breakdown, my doorbell rang. It was my oldest friend, Anne Rae. (side note - i hate the term "oldest friend" because I always think people take it...she's really old...lol...but I digress....) Even though I was expecting her to come over...it was still that perfect moment...just when I needed her. You see, I'm very lucky...I have these amazing friends and family that know when I need them, just at the right time. In perfect Anne Rae fashion, she was able to calm me down and make me feel better. Thank you dear friend! :)
I've realized something over the past few weeks...and today it got even worse. I have had a sore jaw line...and sore teeth. Gee...that must mean that I've been grinding my teeth at night...something I've NEVER experienced before. I have been through many stressful situations in life...none have which, have ever made me grind my teeth or clench my jaw. Tonight, as I was cooking dinner I caught myself standing there clenching my jaw. I just can't relax. I know every day isn't going to be like this....but wow, this has been a tough one.
Please continue the prayers.....I really...WE really need them right now.
Make me still, O Lord...