Get me off this roller coaster...

I'm tired. I'm so emotionally exhausted...it's like I've hit a brick wall. Frankly, I don't even know that I'm going to be able to write this post the way I want to...but I need to get it out while it's all the most fresh on my mind.

Yesterday was the RESOLVE Family Building Conference in Atlanta that Jason and I attended. First and foremost, I'm so glad that we made the decision to go to this event. What a great way to surround ourselves with the reassurance that we aren't alone...and it was a wonderful way to get a lot of information about the uncharted waters of adoption. There were 6 different opportunities during the day to attend breakout sessions...we could pick and choose what we wanted to attend. There were sessions on recurring pregnancy loss, IVF, surrogacy, edometriosis & PCOS, and then of course adoption. We chose to attend all the sessions we could on adoption. Domestic adoption, International adoption, How to be your own advocate in adoption, and Adoption home study. Before this event our knowledge on the topic of adoption was very limited. We've heard stories over the years from different people...but we really didn't know what all went into the process. I know there are people out there that think..."oh, you can't get pregnant? Just adopt"... kind of like..."just do IVF". It's not always as simple as the old Nike slogan. Let's just start with the home study. Like one of the social workers said yesterday - "Why do I need someone to come into my home and interview me to determine if we would be fit parents? No one who gets pregnant naturally ever has to prove that to anyone." That is such a strong statement..and oh so true. But I have to remind myself that if it were ME giving up a baby...I would want to make sure that the child was going to the best home possible. So, I can't focus on that part of the process to much. We did get a good idea though of what to expect for a home study. This is no overnight process...this is going to take time. Time to gather the appropriate documentation, time to prepare our finances, time to become educated on the ins and outs of this whole process.

With all of that being said...Jason and I aren't quite sure what is next for our journey. We are both so overwhelmed with information that we don't really know what we want to do. Something the conference didn't really touch on was embryo adoption. That is something we are really interested in and hoped there would have been a session on that yesterday. Snowflakes is an organization that came highly recommended from our doctor, which is a national embryo adoption organization. I'm going to take some time to research this option and consider it as an option. If we went the embryo adoption route and it worked...I would get to experience the whole process of actually being pregnant. Yes, biologically it wouldn't be our child, however I would get to bond with the baby for the duration of the pregnancy and that in itself sounds precious to me. Having just come off 2 rounds of failed IVF attempts though...it scares me about going through the transfer process again.

I know that Jason and I don't have to make any decisions TODAY...and frankly I know we both need to take some time to consider our options and just enjoy each other for a while. However, I don't want to wait too long....as I mentioned, this process is going to be a long road so the sooner we can get the process rolling, the better. It might be 2, 3, 4 years down the road before we get baby Oliver. All we can do for now is research and pray that God clears the path for us that He wants us to take.

We also attended a session yesterday called Strengthening Relationships During Infertility. We really enjoyed this session and I think we both walked away from it knowing that first and foremost, we need to focus on each other and communicate to each other how we feel. Sometimes that's easy and sometimes it's a difficult part. Obviously I'm on here all the time pouring out my emotions about everything...I realize it's not that easy for Jason. (let's face it...that's just men in general, right ladies?) But it's not always about the words...I know that Jason is emotionally in turmoil just like I am. I'm thankfully that he is a great husband and went with me yesterday...I think it was a great step for us.

We also really enjoyed spending time yesterday with two other couples that we have come to know from Birmingham through RESOLVE. Brandy & Eric...Liz & Brian....we are all in this together and we are thankful to have met you! I know we can all be great resources for each other.  :)

I know there is more I could share from yesterday...but that's all I got right now...I need a nap.