Heartbroken...

...that's pretty much how we feel in the Oliver house....our hearts are breaking. Today was our follow up appointment with our doctor. Jason and I were praying for some glimmer of hope that they could give us towards another chance at a biological child. But when the doctor basically throws her hands up and has no answers...what can you do? For some reason my body will not produce mature good quality eggs...and there is no reason behind it. There is really no test they can run to determine what the cause is. However, they did draw blood today to test for a few antibodies. They are testing for antiovarion antibodies (pre-menopause) and they are actually testing for a lupus anticoagulant. Even if I tested positive for that doesn't necessarily means I have lupus...it's just another antibody they are checking. Dr. H. does not think any of these will come back positive...but it's just something they can test to narrow down any speculation of what might be wrong. Minus the fact that I have no fallopian tubes...everything else has been picture perfect so obviously something else is wrong, however, there's nothing else they can do for us. 

Yes, Jason and I are fully aware that we have other options to becoming parents (i.e. adoption, embryo adoption, etc) but we are taking time to grieve over the fact that we will never have a child that is biologically Jason and Kara's. For years this has been my worst fear....imagine your worst fear coming true. You fall in love and you get married and you long for a child that is the perfect combination of you and your spouse. I longed for a child with my creative ability and Jason's determination. My long eyelashes, and Jason's great skin. My quirky personality and Jason's sense of humor.
For right now we don't know what is next for us. We did talk to our doctor about embryo adoption. It's basically like adoption but you get embryos that couples donate who have had successful IVF cycles. The program that is offered at our doctor's office is actually pretty affordable compared to what we've already paid...however it's a 2 year waiting period. There is another organization in Tennesse that handles embryo adoption but at first glace at their information it's pretty expensive. And of course there is adoption of the more common kind...and are minds are open to that possibility as well. I honestly do not know what the future holds...but I do know that this is not the end of "The Oliver's Journey". There will be more chapters to come and I pray that you all will follow us every step of the way. This blogging experience has been one I wouldn't change. I know everyone does not agree with me putting all of this private intimate information out there for the world to read...but it has truly helped me and I know for a fact that it has inspired others facing this same difficult road.

We do have some immediate plans that I'd like to share that we are both pretty excited about. May 1st Jason and I will be attending a family building conference in Atlanta. This conference is put on by RESOLVE (the infertility organization) and we are hoping to walk away with some valuable information on whatever may lie next on our journey. Then in June we are going to the Bahamas! We are very much looking forward to this MUCH needed vacation.

Oh, one last thing for now....a reader asked that I post on here some of mine and Jason's favorite resturants...so here's the answer to that question....Surin (280), Leonardo's, PF Changs. Hope that helps!

For now we are just going to pray about what is next and hopefully God will direct us to the right decision that is best for us. Again, thank you all for the continued support, love and prayers.