So, tomorrow night will mark my first "support group" meeting. Thankful to other bloggers out there, I have found out about an organization called RESOLVE. It's the national infertility organization and they have a chapter right here in Birmingham. They meet once a month and February's meeting is tomorrow night. I've heard WONDERFUL things about this group and I'm anxious to meet everyone and check it out. Tomorrow's topic is actually on acupuncture! Seems very fitting and meant to be. (as my mom said, all the pieces seem to be fitting together). I'm really trying to keep an upbeat attitude and positive outlook on our upcoming cycle #2. I've been reading a lot of other's stories out there...I love that others are blogging about their same experiences. It really helps to read others stories, words of wisdom, heartaches...and joys. That is why I know going to these group meetings will also benefit me so much. On the same token....the acupuncture is still going great! Two sessions in and I'm so glad that I'm doing it. It really is such a relaxing experience!
A lot of you have asked when we'll start up again...just waiting on mother nature to determine that one. Hopefully within the next couple weeks the process can begin.
I read this on some one else's blog...and when I read it I knew it would be a saying I would cling to: "Having faith in God also means having faith in His timing." It's so, so true.
May we ALL have faith. :)
Sunday, February 7, 2010
Saturday, January 30, 2010
Wikipedia defines acupuncture as...
Acupuncture is the procedure of inserting and manipulating filiform needles into various points on the body to relieve pain or for therapeutic purposes.
Therapeutic? Yeah right (you are probably saying)....why would you willingly go and get stuck more than I already have over the last 6 months?? Why? because when you want something badly enough, you will try all the means possible to achieve your goal. I've heard many people suggest the use of acupuncture in conjunction with IVF. I've read about it and talked to Dr. H. about it. While there is no proven evidence out there that is hands down aids in the success of IVF....it can have definite calming effects and I will do just about anything to reduce stress and anxiety.
Wikipedia goes on to mention infertility and acupuncture and has this to say:
Acupuncture regulates the hypothalamus and pituitary glands in your brain which can be thrown out of equilibrium due to stress, aging process, and other environmental factors inhibiting its ability to function properly. Acupuncture promotes the circulation of blood in the pelvic cavity which improves ovarian function. Acupuncture is beneficial in promoting follicle production, enhancing uterine blood flow, and improving uterine lining thickness. Thereby positively enhancing overall health increases the chances of conception.
It can't really harm the process....so why not try it??!
Then along came the Fogo's! :)
Jason and I met Justin and Mary Fogo about a year or so ago through the wine club that we are members of. Justin is a chiropractor in the town we live in and Mary manages the office. These people have hearts of gold...and I don't think they've ever met a stranger. (Ansley, you were right....you knew I'd love the Fogo's!) A couple months ago we found out that Justin wanted us to come to him for acupuncture treatments. I was immediately willing and intrigued by the idea. We met with him yesterday and discussed our history...and came up with a plan. The idea of being stuck with needles really didn't freak me out at all (Jason, YES...me NO! LOL!) I was anxious to see if it would really relax me like I've heard so much about. There are MANY, MANY points on the body that acupuncture can target. Justin had definitely done his research and knew just the points he would focus on:
1. the top of the foot between the web of your big toe and second toe
2. on the ankle
3. right below the knew cap
4. two right above the pelvic bone
5. the top of the hand where your thumb and first finger meet
6. on the face between your eyebrows
Each spot has specific reasons for "pin pointing"...sorry for the pun. :)
The needles are so thin....it honestly looks like a hair and almost invisible. it doesn't hurt AT ALL. I mean, maybe the slightest prick or pinch...but virtually pain free. After Justin turned me into a human pin cushion he and Jason left the room....he turned all the lights out and shut the door. He left me laying there in total silence for the next 20 minutes. I knew the purpose of this was to release all my stress and just LET GO. At first I just took a few big deep breaths and my mind started racing about a lot of things. Then I just told myself to stop...it's very hard to stop my mind from racing...but I tried really hard. What I found was it was a perfect time for to me to focus on prayer. What better time to basically meditate and talk to God. So I did just that. I spent most of the next 20 minutes in prayer. When Justin came back and turned the lights back on I really did realize how completely relaxed I was. I never fell asleep, but I can see how you easily could. Justin get acupuncture himself for headaches and he did mention that these treatments could make me feel lethargic like I just need a nap. He was right, I felt so at ease and relaxed. For now I will continue to go in once a week, then when our actual IVF cycle starts I will go twice a week.
I'm so grateful to Justin & Mary that they want to do this for us. Once again, we are so reminded of how lucky we are to have amazing people in our lives. Justin touched my heart when he told yesterday that he just hopes we can all look back one day and say they had a hand in this. It means so much to me that they want to help. My heart is happy today and that's a wonderful feeling. :)
Therapeutic? Yeah right (you are probably saying)....why would you willingly go and get stuck more than I already have over the last 6 months?? Why? because when you want something badly enough, you will try all the means possible to achieve your goal. I've heard many people suggest the use of acupuncture in conjunction with IVF. I've read about it and talked to Dr. H. about it. While there is no proven evidence out there that is hands down aids in the success of IVF....it can have definite calming effects and I will do just about anything to reduce stress and anxiety.
Wikipedia goes on to mention infertility and acupuncture and has this to say:
Acupuncture regulates the hypothalamus and pituitary glands in your brain which can be thrown out of equilibrium due to stress, aging process, and other environmental factors inhibiting its ability to function properly. Acupuncture promotes the circulation of blood in the pelvic cavity which improves ovarian function. Acupuncture is beneficial in promoting follicle production, enhancing uterine blood flow, and improving uterine lining thickness. Thereby positively enhancing overall health increases the chances of conception.
It can't really harm the process....so why not try it??!
Then along came the Fogo's! :)
Jason and I met Justin and Mary Fogo about a year or so ago through the wine club that we are members of. Justin is a chiropractor in the town we live in and Mary manages the office. These people have hearts of gold...and I don't think they've ever met a stranger. (Ansley, you were right....you knew I'd love the Fogo's!) A couple months ago we found out that Justin wanted us to come to him for acupuncture treatments. I was immediately willing and intrigued by the idea. We met with him yesterday and discussed our history...and came up with a plan. The idea of being stuck with needles really didn't freak me out at all (Jason, YES...me NO! LOL!) I was anxious to see if it would really relax me like I've heard so much about. There are MANY, MANY points on the body that acupuncture can target. Justin had definitely done his research and knew just the points he would focus on:
1. the top of the foot between the web of your big toe and second toe
2. on the ankle
3. right below the knew cap
4. two right above the pelvic bone
5. the top of the hand where your thumb and first finger meet
6. on the face between your eyebrows
Each spot has specific reasons for "pin pointing"...sorry for the pun. :)
The needles are so thin....it honestly looks like a hair and almost invisible. it doesn't hurt AT ALL. I mean, maybe the slightest prick or pinch...but virtually pain free. After Justin turned me into a human pin cushion he and Jason left the room....he turned all the lights out and shut the door. He left me laying there in total silence for the next 20 minutes. I knew the purpose of this was to release all my stress and just LET GO. At first I just took a few big deep breaths and my mind started racing about a lot of things. Then I just told myself to stop...it's very hard to stop my mind from racing...but I tried really hard. What I found was it was a perfect time for to me to focus on prayer. What better time to basically meditate and talk to God. So I did just that. I spent most of the next 20 minutes in prayer. When Justin came back and turned the lights back on I really did realize how completely relaxed I was. I never fell asleep, but I can see how you easily could. Justin get acupuncture himself for headaches and he did mention that these treatments could make me feel lethargic like I just need a nap. He was right, I felt so at ease and relaxed. For now I will continue to go in once a week, then when our actual IVF cycle starts I will go twice a week.
I'm so grateful to Justin & Mary that they want to do this for us. Once again, we are so reminded of how lucky we are to have amazing people in our lives. Justin touched my heart when he told yesterday that he just hopes we can all look back one day and say they had a hand in this. It means so much to me that they want to help. My heart is happy today and that's a wonderful feeling. :)
Monday, January 25, 2010
One perfect uterus...
I couldn't resist making that the title of today's update....but it's not very often my doctor uses the word "perfect" when it comes to my body....so I like to brag when I hear it. :)
Today was our re-establish appointment with Dr. H. and my SIS test. I think I've written about this before...but I'll say it again. I just love our doctor. She's so warm and welcoming and the minute Jason and I sat down in her office it was like we didn't skip a beat. Hard to believe it had been four months since we had been there. She reviewed the protocol we used last time we cycled and she wants to stay on with that course of action. We ran down the list of items (once again) that Jason needs to steer clear of....his beloved cigars...clorox...round up, etc...and ensuring that he is taking the male fertility blend vitamin. In turn, I need to stay as calm and stress free as possible. Oh but first...let's go in this room and let me stick 3 lovely probes up you (at the same time) and let's check out that uterus of yours! Nice! Not my idea of a fun Monday morning....but it's part of it and I've come to accept it. Again, Jason and are in the dark room with our doctor, and the Doppler radar as Jason calls it. We've done this enough to know...there's always that moment just before you see the images come up on the screen where there's a slight fear of panic...hoping and praying the images are good and the results we need. "your uterus looks perfect", Dr. H. said. Music to my ears! First test down and perfect results! Praise God! But you take the good with the bad....there was a HUGE cyst on my left ovary...about the size of a quarter. Nothing life threatening...but something like that can impair the start of round 2. Apparently I'm prone to getting these cysts even though we don't know why. Nonetheless...they are putting me on a prescription to try and shrink it, or diminish it all together. No cysts on the right ovary...everything looked great on that side.
Because of the instruments involved in performing a SIS test, I have to take a short round of antibiotics. To prevent any infection (routine procedure). So, took the first of 4 pills and an hour later it made me so sick. Apparently my Fiber One bar was not enough substance in my tummy. Lesson learned....tomorrow morning just might have to involve Chick Fil A. :)
So, overall, Jason and I are very pleased with the outcome from today and are very much looking forward to starting this up again. My initial thinking is that we will start up sometime around the end of February. The whole process takes 6 weeks...so of course I'm counting out scenarios with my calendar. A flutter came over my heart when I realized what our best case scenario would be...we would be done and know by the beginning of April. My mom's birthday is April 4th...which falls on Easter this year. Easter is all about new beginnings. I can't think of a more perfect time to receive the news of a miracle. I pray this will be the most memorable Easter season of my life.
Today was our re-establish appointment with Dr. H. and my SIS test. I think I've written about this before...but I'll say it again. I just love our doctor. She's so warm and welcoming and the minute Jason and I sat down in her office it was like we didn't skip a beat. Hard to believe it had been four months since we had been there. She reviewed the protocol we used last time we cycled and she wants to stay on with that course of action. We ran down the list of items (once again) that Jason needs to steer clear of....his beloved cigars...clorox...round up, etc...and ensuring that he is taking the male fertility blend vitamin. In turn, I need to stay as calm and stress free as possible. Oh but first...let's go in this room and let me stick 3 lovely probes up you (at the same time) and let's check out that uterus of yours! Nice! Not my idea of a fun Monday morning....but it's part of it and I've come to accept it. Again, Jason and are in the dark room with our doctor, and the Doppler radar as Jason calls it. We've done this enough to know...there's always that moment just before you see the images come up on the screen where there's a slight fear of panic...hoping and praying the images are good and the results we need. "your uterus looks perfect", Dr. H. said. Music to my ears! First test down and perfect results! Praise God! But you take the good with the bad....there was a HUGE cyst on my left ovary...about the size of a quarter. Nothing life threatening...but something like that can impair the start of round 2. Apparently I'm prone to getting these cysts even though we don't know why. Nonetheless...they are putting me on a prescription to try and shrink it, or diminish it all together. No cysts on the right ovary...everything looked great on that side.
Because of the instruments involved in performing a SIS test, I have to take a short round of antibiotics. To prevent any infection (routine procedure). So, took the first of 4 pills and an hour later it made me so sick. Apparently my Fiber One bar was not enough substance in my tummy. Lesson learned....tomorrow morning just might have to involve Chick Fil A. :)
So, overall, Jason and I are very pleased with the outcome from today and are very much looking forward to starting this up again. My initial thinking is that we will start up sometime around the end of February. The whole process takes 6 weeks...so of course I'm counting out scenarios with my calendar. A flutter came over my heart when I realized what our best case scenario would be...we would be done and know by the beginning of April. My mom's birthday is April 4th...which falls on Easter this year. Easter is all about new beginnings. I can't think of a more perfect time to receive the news of a miracle. I pray this will be the most memorable Easter season of my life.
Sunday, January 24, 2010
Thinking...wishing...hoping...
Tomorrow starts our journey again...to set our plan out for round #2 of IVF. (look for a blog post tomorrow with details from our doctor's appointment) I've written a lot about my thoughts on this in the past and my feelings haven't changed. I'm still anxious and scared. But I'm ready...I'm ready to let go and let God take over....I need Him to pick me up and carry me through this.
I've been going through a lot of old pictures lately...I love doing this because it takes me back to a time (for the most part) when life was much simpler...a lot less complicated...and life was filled with so much joy. Don't get me wrong...I have a lot of joy in my life right now, but it's been so easy to lose sight of that ever since Jason and I started this journey. So, for today...instead of writing about anxious feelings....I'd rather share some pictures that just make me smile and take me back to some very happy times in my life.
Engagement picture...anticipating our wedding day!!!!
The day I married my wonderful Jason. What a perfect day.
Our honeymoon in Peter Island....truly heaven on earth!
Me and my wonderful sister...she's given me 2 precious gifts...my niece and nephew!
Me with my parents...who have held my hands through the toughest times in my life...and who share in my joys during the most happy times. I love you both more than words can say.
Ignorance is bliss!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I've been going through a lot of old pictures lately...I love doing this because it takes me back to a time (for the most part) when life was much simpler...a lot less complicated...and life was filled with so much joy. Don't get me wrong...I have a lot of joy in my life right now, but it's been so easy to lose sight of that ever since Jason and I started this journey. So, for today...instead of writing about anxious feelings....I'd rather share some pictures that just make me smile and take me back to some very happy times in my life.
Engagement picture...anticipating our wedding day!!!!
The day I married my wonderful Jason. What a perfect day.
Our honeymoon in Peter Island....truly heaven on earth!
Me and my wonderful sister...she's given me 2 precious gifts...my niece and nephew!
Me with my parents...who have held my hands through the toughest times in my life...and who share in my joys during the most happy times. I love you both more than words can say.
Ignorance is bliss!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Monday, January 18, 2010
Getting closer...
IVF cycle #2 is getting closer and closer. Next Monday the 25th we have a "re-establish" appointment with our doctor. We haven't seen her since September so Jason and are both anxious to get in there and discuss round #2 with her. After taking some time off from the process, we are both ready to start up again...obviously with some emotional hesitation, but not enough hesitation to keep us away! :) Monday our doctor and IVF coordinator will review our chart and make recommendations for round #2. I will also have to have a test run called an SIS (Saline Infusion Sonogram ). This checks the uterus while injecting a saline solution. I have had this test run before, but certain tests have to be kept up to date, just like a woman's yearly exam. My initial thought (based on previous experiences) is that we will start our next cycle at the beginning of March. March 1st will be mine and Jason's 2 year anniversary so I pray that is a good omen for a positive starting point. Obviously, we will know more after our appointment on Monday so look for another update next week.
Having said all that...I have had some pretty bad emotional breakdowns lately. Mostly behind closed doors and by myself, but Jason sees how hard this is on me and I know it pains him to not be able to just "fix it". I wrote in my previous post about my feelings toward cycle #2. I'm excited...I'm scared...I'm nervous....and still working towards releasing bitter disappointing feelings from cycle #1. I'm glad we know to expect this time...but I'm also so scared it's going to have the same result. It's a daily struggle for me to take one day at a time and not dwell on the past. I've had many conversations with God about this and I know He keeps showing me reasons to hang on and not give up hope. But, this process has tested my faith...big time. That is not something I've talked about much to anyone, but it's the truth. The devil is sneaky and devious with his antics and I know this is just him trying to sway me from what I know deep down is the truth. God has a hand in this...and He has a plan. I have to repeat that daily. I know we all struggle with things in our life that test our faith...it's human nature. But I really need some help to not be so bitter about why I'm in this situation.
I know I say this every time...but thank you to everyone who reads this. It makes me smile when the most unexpected people ask why I haven't written an update. It just reminds me of the wonderful support system we have, and I'm beyond grateful for that.
Having said all that...I have had some pretty bad emotional breakdowns lately. Mostly behind closed doors and by myself, but Jason sees how hard this is on me and I know it pains him to not be able to just "fix it". I wrote in my previous post about my feelings toward cycle #2. I'm excited...I'm scared...I'm nervous....and still working towards releasing bitter disappointing feelings from cycle #1. I'm glad we know to expect this time...but I'm also so scared it's going to have the same result. It's a daily struggle for me to take one day at a time and not dwell on the past. I've had many conversations with God about this and I know He keeps showing me reasons to hang on and not give up hope. But, this process has tested my faith...big time. That is not something I've talked about much to anyone, but it's the truth. The devil is sneaky and devious with his antics and I know this is just him trying to sway me from what I know deep down is the truth. God has a hand in this...and He has a plan. I have to repeat that daily. I know we all struggle with things in our life that test our faith...it's human nature. But I really need some help to not be so bitter about why I'm in this situation.
I know I say this every time...but thank you to everyone who reads this. It makes me smile when the most unexpected people ask why I haven't written an update. It just reminds me of the wonderful support system we have, and I'm beyond grateful for that.
Sunday, December 6, 2009
In need of some blogging therapy...
I know...it's been a long time since I've written a blog post. I want to thank all of you who have requested updates and check daily for a new post! I means so much to me that so many of you are keeping track with our journey. We decided to wait until the first of the year to go through our next IVF round. The Christmas season is so filled with joyous occasions...parties...and FUN, so we wanted to do just that - have some fun and not worry about shots, doctor's appointments, etc. Having said that I took a step back from writing because there really weren't any updates right now. But I've realized that this blog just isn't about keeping the readers up to date with the next step...but it's about sharing my thoughts and feelings about this journey. Just because there haven't been any recent appointments doesn't mean there aren't things to share and write about. So, today's post is really a therapeutic one for me and to get some of these feelings out that are overwhelming me today.
It's brutal honesty time....I'm having a hard day. A really hard day. This happens from time to time. Don't get me wrong...the longing for a child is something I struggle with EVERY DAY. But some days are harder than others. And I'm kind of mad at myself right now. I'm mad that I couldn't even bring myself to go to my nephew's Christmas school program today. I couldn't stop crying long enough to finish getting ready and go watch him sing. Because I couldn't sit there watching all of those precious children and the proud parents with their video cameras and adoring faces. When you want something so badly you don't want to be in the presence of others that have that joy. It's extremely selfish on my part and that's why I'm mad at myself. I'm mad that these fertility problems take such a toll on me and suck the life out of me. I try so hard to not let my condition get the best of me, but sometimes it just takes me over. I keep thinking about our next IVF round coming up. I'm glad that at least this time we will know what to expect...but that can also be a downfall. I'm so scared it's not going to work and experiencing that agonizing emotional pain again. How can I not think about that? it didn't work the first time..I'm obviously going to have a hard time believing it will work this time. I've always been an optimistic person. But this journey has changed that in me. Don't get me wrong...I truly believe everything happens for a reason...but that doesn't mean I'm necessarily optimistic. Even sitting here writing this I'm mad that I even have these thoughts...but this is how I'm feeling at this present moment. I see all of my friends that have these beautiful families and are so full of wonderful moments of being parents....gosh, I so want that. We want that. I can't help but think if I don't become a mom that something will be missing from my life...like I won't be complete or whole until that day comes.
There are so many of you out there who are praying for me and Jason. Please, please, please continue to do so. I (especially) am really in need of some prayer. I'm having a hard time finding that hope inside me. I know it's there...I just need to find a way to bring it back out. I need to continue to fight and not let this defeat me. Please pray specifically that I get that hope and optimism back. Like I said before...this is the wonderful Christmas season and I need to enjoy this time with my husband, my family and my friends and be thankful for all that I DO have in life. All of you who are reading this that are parents....hug your children extra special tonight and be thankful for the wonderful miracle you have. Children are such miracles.
It's brutal honesty time....I'm having a hard day. A really hard day. This happens from time to time. Don't get me wrong...the longing for a child is something I struggle with EVERY DAY. But some days are harder than others. And I'm kind of mad at myself right now. I'm mad that I couldn't even bring myself to go to my nephew's Christmas school program today. I couldn't stop crying long enough to finish getting ready and go watch him sing. Because I couldn't sit there watching all of those precious children and the proud parents with their video cameras and adoring faces. When you want something so badly you don't want to be in the presence of others that have that joy. It's extremely selfish on my part and that's why I'm mad at myself. I'm mad that these fertility problems take such a toll on me and suck the life out of me. I try so hard to not let my condition get the best of me, but sometimes it just takes me over. I keep thinking about our next IVF round coming up. I'm glad that at least this time we will know what to expect...but that can also be a downfall. I'm so scared it's not going to work and experiencing that agonizing emotional pain again. How can I not think about that? it didn't work the first time..I'm obviously going to have a hard time believing it will work this time. I've always been an optimistic person. But this journey has changed that in me. Don't get me wrong...I truly believe everything happens for a reason...but that doesn't mean I'm necessarily optimistic. Even sitting here writing this I'm mad that I even have these thoughts...but this is how I'm feeling at this present moment. I see all of my friends that have these beautiful families and are so full of wonderful moments of being parents....gosh, I so want that. We want that. I can't help but think if I don't become a mom that something will be missing from my life...like I won't be complete or whole until that day comes.
There are so many of you out there who are praying for me and Jason. Please, please, please continue to do so. I (especially) am really in need of some prayer. I'm having a hard time finding that hope inside me. I know it's there...I just need to find a way to bring it back out. I need to continue to fight and not let this defeat me. Please pray specifically that I get that hope and optimism back. Like I said before...this is the wonderful Christmas season and I need to enjoy this time with my husband, my family and my friends and be thankful for all that I DO have in life. All of you who are reading this that are parents....hug your children extra special tonight and be thankful for the wonderful miracle you have. Children are such miracles.
Sunday, October 11, 2009
An update...
So all of the test results have come back! My auto-antibodies were normal...and the culture they took was normal. Great news! Friday we got the results of Jason's SCSA test. They were checking DNA fragmentation....15% and below is considered "excellent". 16% - 30% is "good to fair". Jason's result was 20.9%. So it definitely could have been better....but it could have been a whole lot worse. Dr. H. didn't seem alarmed she just suggested Jason stay away from the following things: smoke, Clorox products, bug killers, Roundup. All of those products contain DNA damaging particles. It's amazing the things that the doctors restrict you from. People get pregnant every day and we are resorting to telling Jason to stay away from spraying some ants dead?? It's just really mind blowing to me. I've had a lot of thoughts running through my mind lately....and I haven't been blogging. I need to be better about posting things on here because it really does help for me to talk about it. I'm starting to get really anxious again and nervous about our upcoming cycle. We are just waiting for me to start my period and the whole process starts up again. So I know that in the next couple of weeks we are back in the mode of shots, ultrasounds, bloodwork, test results, doctors appointments. Granted, it will easier in a way this go around since we know what to expect, but I'm just praying for a miracle this time. Praying that God will bless us with a child and ease this difficult journey. If everything falls into place like the last cycle then I figured up we would find out the results right before Christmas. 2009 has been a difficult year for us...I pray it ends with an answer to our prayers.
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