So, as the title says, there is no news on the IVF front...we are still in a holding pattern for now. However, I'm consumed with thoughts and emotions so I feel the need....the need for blogging. (ok, that was a tad cheesy)
Because I'm in this holding pattern....I'm feeling anxious...tremendously anxious. I'm ready to get this process going, but I'm at the mercy of mother nature. I'm not the most patient person. I might come across cool and collected to the outside world....but I am freaking out on the inside! My mind is racing.....when will this begin....how will my body respond to the meds...will my hormones go through the roof....will Jason make it through alive (LOL)....shots, pills....ahhhhh!!!!!!!! But most importantly....will we end up with that miracle of life....that precious child that we so long for. I imagine myself holding our newborn baby and all I can think of is sadness. Sadness that it couldn't happen naturally for us....feelings of "it's just not fair to have to pay all this money"...."why me", oh that enters my mind all the time. But then I have to remember to be THANKFUL.....thankful that we are able to take this course of action (IVF)....thankful for the knowledge of our doctor....thankful for an otherwise healthy body that makes it possible for us to have an 85% shot at this.
Whew....my mind is tired.
Like I said....I'm just anxious. Another reason this blog is such a great tool. It helps me get those thoughts out there, thrown out in the cosmic internet world.
I read a quote today that needs to become my moto: "Promise me you will always remember...You're BRAVER than you believe, and STRONGER than you seem, and SMARTER than you think." Christopher Robin to Pooh
I can't let this anxiety consume me. I have to remember that this will all come in God's time. I've waited 30 years to hold that precious child. I can wait a little longer.
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Excellent quote. You are an amazing and strong woman and I know you can do anything including enduring the hormones, shots and everything else you have to do to attain your dreams. Sending hugs and prayers your way!
ReplyDeleteYou are going to be such great parents...I can't wait to go to coffee with you in 5 years and us look back and talk about our journeys...yours to motherhood, mine to...well, whatever it is I'm doing :)
ReplyDeleteLove you and can't wait to beat you in the showdown tonight!!!!!