Overwhelmed...

Well, today was a very informative, yet overwhelming doctor's appointment! Today was our appointment with our IVF coordinator where she explained, in detail, the protocol we will follow for the next month or so. My initial reaction was, "this isn't so bad". Actually the amount of medication is less than I anticipated. However, after a few hours to process everything all I feel is overwhelmed. I'm just realizing more and more how vital each and every step is for this process. It all has to work together....like this huge massive puzzle and all I feel is pressure. Pressure for it all to work. Granted, it's pressure I'm putting on myself. I mean, I've said it before...there's only so much the doctor's can do, after that, it's all in God's hands. A few vital pieces that are (at the moment) freaking me out...
1. if the cyst on my right ovary hasn't decreased to 3cm or less by my ultrasound on August 3rd, then we we have to delay this cycle.
2. Jason and myself administering daily shots. I know after the first few times, it will become like clockwork, but still...it's shots.
3. I have to have at least 8 mature, healthy eggs retrieved and if I have any less than that, we are dropped from the shared risk program. (we can still do IVF, but not the 2 cycle option that we already paid for).
4. Just the general hope that all of this works. Like I've said before...we want a child of our own so badly...and it all comes down to this.

As I was typing this, I got a call from the specialty pharmacy we were encouraged to use. So, the total cost of all of our meds ended up being around $6,000.00 Yes, you read that correctly...six thousand. However...thank goodness for insurance. Our total? $290.00. We have already paid $10,000.00 in IVF costs...I couldn't imagine paying $6K more. Although, I know there are couples out there that have to pay well more than that for what we are doing. So, as I'm sitting here overwhelmed...I got that wonderful piece of good news. God works in mysterious ways. Ok...God, I hear ya...calm down....trust me.

As long as everything works the way it should...and all the pieces fit to the puzzle this first go round....we will know by September 10th if this worked. Maybe that is why I'm freaking out too. It's all becoming so real. Every step closer to the "prize" just feels like a little bit more pressure for all of this to work. (again, self inflicted pressure)

I have realized something more and more on our journey so far. I am so thankful for my husband. Jason has just taken all of this in stride. Making me laugh....lightening the mood. I think we've laughed in that doctor's office more than cried and for that I am thankful. I couldn't imagine going through this with anyone else. He has truly overwhelmed me thus far, and I know he will only continue to do so.

Much love to you all...thank you for the continued notes of encouragement and prayer.