Thoughts on the news...

Yesterday was a tough day indeed. I know we will have more tough days ahead of us, especially in the near future, while continuing to grieve over this cycle.
I got the news yesterday from our doctor. The details of trying to track down the news (terribly frustrating) aren't really important anymore...but the point is, it's always nice to be able to connect with the doctor one on one. Dr. H is one of great compassion and always has a calming sense to her voice. At a time like this you don't want an insensitive doctor, you want a caring and loving doctor and we have just that with her.
Anyway, she explained to me that my beta level went back down. She felt certain that the embryo did in fact implant...but couldn't survive. She said if there is one "positive" thing to focus on right now...it is that. Now we just have to figure out if there is anything differently that can be done next time to help it along a bit more. Yes, we do have another shot at this, another cycle included in what we have already paid for. But for now, we need to focus on my body healing from all the procedures, and all the hormones I've been taking. We go back September 28th for a post cycle visit and to map out the plan for next time. But it's looking like it will probably be November or December before the process starts up again. I know my body needs to heal during this time...but my emotions need to heal as well. A dear friend said to me yesterday - "you need this time to get excited about the process again". That is so true. I need to regain faith in this process...and regain excitement in the journey. All I feel right now is sadness and heartache. I'm going to allow myself time to grieve...time to be sad...time to cry.
It goes without being said....but Jason, once again, has been great and reminding me daily why I married him. He doesn't even have to say anything (frankly, he doesn't know WHAT to say, but what can you say right now) all he has to do is hug me or grab my hand and I know he's hurting right along with me.
I'm going to end this post today with the words from a card Jason and I got this morning from a group of our wonderful friends (complete with a whole basket of goodies...we love you guys). This card says it so perfectly and I had to share...

As You Go Through This...
Difficult things can cause us to ask,
"Why did this happen?"
But if we're trusting in Christ
we never need to ask,
"How could He let this happen?"
God may never reveal
all His reasons to us,
but He has revealed
His character to us.
His character assures us that
He never makes mistakes,
is never uncaring,
and that He never separates Himself
from our need.
The need you face is great,
but the grace that is yours
in Christ is even greater.
May your heart and your faith
stay fixed upon Him
as you go through this difficulty.
Be assured that He is holding your
hand and will not let go!